Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: love, but no sex.
Unknow Joined Wed 08/15/12 Posts: 1	Fri 02/19/21 12:52 PM
Demisexual On the asexual spectrum, this sexual orientation describes individuals who experience sexual attraction only under specific circumstances, such as after building a romantic or emotional relationship with a person. Demiromantic This romantic orientation describes individuals who experience romantic attraction only under specific circumstances, such as after building an emotional relationship with a person. I have a friend like this.....makes for a difficult relationship

Luca Joined Sat 01/23/21 Posts: 241	Fri 02/19/21 12:58 PM
Hello sakshi .. Psychology would tell you that sex is just a strategy humans use to meet psychological needs . It is not a need itself . Why measure yourself against what is “normal”. What matters is what is important to you and your life partner . Have you talked about having children ??? Even within arranged marriages , there is an expectation of sex and children . If you have no experience of sex it may be easier initially to overlook the importance of sex in a relationship .. However sex is fluid (literally and otherwise ) that said atleast 20% of marriages are sexless . With you both the best of luck Blondey, sorry but I live (ora ratehr lived until some time ago) of statistics... where did you get that figure from? is it your estimate or from some official source? and what does it mean, that 20% of marriages have always been sexless or that in 20% of marriages there has not been any sex in the last year or so? because this seems more likely as older couple tend to decrease the frequency of sexual act considerably... not saying your numbers are wrong, just wonder where they come from and what they mean

reostyxted67 Joined Thu 04/04/13 Posts: 7	Fri 02/19/21 01:24 PM
HI smiey so where do you live, i am in fall river ma....

Rock Joined Thu 10/09/08 Posts: 21249	Fri 02/19/21 01:41 PM
Hi everyone, is it okay to like someone with your whole heart but not be sexually attracted towards them? You like spending time with them, you are comfortable around them and you want them as your life partner. But you never got sexually attracted towards them or never ever looked at them as a sex object or in a sexual way. Is it still healthy and normal? I don't know if it will affect the relationship. (sorry for the weird question though). Seriously? I'd at least have to get hummers out of a deal like that.

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Fri 02/19/21 02:41 PM
I cannot believe that any man would be okay with this "friendship." I have very good platonic female friends for more than 45 years, but no friendship like this. Either you figure out there is no sexual attraction early on or there is but you need to slightly distance yourself (arm's length) due to poor timing or other romantic partners. It is my belief that any man on this thread that says it's okay is doing so to curry favor with the OP since she's quite attractive. I do not see any other explanation.

Blondey111 Joined Sun 01/27/13 Posts: 8885	Fri 02/19/21 02:43 PM
Hello sakshi .. Psychology would tell you that sex is just a strategy humans use to meet psychological needs . It is not a need itself . Why measure yourself against what is “normal”. What matters is what is important to you and your life partner . Have you talked about having children ??? Even within arranged marriages , there is an expectation of sex and children . If you have no experience of sex it may be easier initially to overlook the importance of sex in a relationship .. However sex is fluid (literally and otherwise ) that said atleast 20% of marriages are sexless . With you both the best of luck Blondey, sorry but I live (ora ratehr lived until some time ago) of statistics... where did you get that figure from? is it your estimate or from some official source? and what does it mean, that 20% of marriages have always been sexless or that in 20% of marriages there has not been any sex in the last year or so? because this seems more likely as older couple tend to decrease the frequency of sexual act considerably... not saying your numbers are wrong, just wonder where they come from and what they mean hi Luca .. I haven’t seen any scientific research to back up such statistics ., seems to be based more on polls and American surveys .. quoted by sex therapists .. Laughing (perhaps a marketing ploy ) Such as this article .... published by a sex therapist .. “YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX. At least that is what the statistics report. Married couples are simply not having sex. A marriage is considered sexless if the couple is only having sex on average once a month or less. By some reports, 15% to 20% of marriages are sexless. It isn’t just the women who are saying no, either. There seem to be plenty of men who are avoiding physical intimacy with their wives. 20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. — USA Today” The point was t about statistics ., it was the fact that relationships can survive being sexless ( when sex has been part of the relationship previously .., if sex has never been shared perhaps not having sex represents less of a problem ???), What we consider normal sexual behaviour is subject to change .

melissa Joined Fri 02/19/21 Posts: 1	Fri 02/19/21 06:29 PM
Yeah, that happen in some case. I love my dad and I can’t be sexually attracted to him

nice1for_u Joined Mon 04/07/14 Posts: 155	Fri 02/19/21 06:45 PM
Is this an arranged marriage by chance?

artykay Joined Sat 11/18/17 Posts: 170	Fri 02/19/21 06:51 PM
Believe it or not.? Most people do have 'friends' who don't 'shag'!

Luca Joined Sat 01/23/21 Posts: 241	Sat 02/20/21 12:05 AM
Hello sakshi .. Psychology would tell you that sex is just a strategy humans use to meet psychological needs . It is not a need itself . Why measure yourself against what is “normal”. What matters is what is important to you and your life partner . Have you talked about having children ??? Even within arranged marriages , there is an expectation of sex and children . If you have no experience of sex it may be easier initially to overlook the importance of sex in a relationship .. However sex is fluid (literally and otherwise ) that said atleast 20% of marriages are sexless . With you both the best of luck Blondey, sorry but I live (ora ratehr lived until some time ago) of statistics... where did you get that figure from? is it your estimate or from some official source? and what does it mean, that 20% of marriages have always been sexless or that in 20% of marriages there has not been any sex in the last year or so? because this seems more likely as older couple tend to decrease the frequency of sexual act considerably... not saying your numbers are wrong, just wonder where they come from and what they mean hi Luca .. I haven’t seen any scientific research to back up such statistics ., seems to be based more on polls and American surveys .. quoted by sex therapists .. Laughing (perhaps a marketing ploy ) Such as this article .... published by a sex therapist .. “YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX. At least that is what the statistics report. Married couples are simply not having sex. A marriage is considered sexless if the couple is only having sex on average once a month or less. By some reports, 15% to 20% of marriages are sexless. It isn’t just the women who are saying no, either. There seem to be plenty of men who are avoiding physical intimacy with their wives. 20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. — USA Today” The point was t about statistics ., it was the fact that relationships can survive being sexless ( when sex has been part of the relationship previously .., if sex has never been shared perhaps not having sex represents less of a problem ???), What we consider normal sexual behaviour is subject to change . many couples get bored with time and less than once a month when they've been together for 20 years is rather common I believe. The sex drive goes down a lot with age... but here we are talking about a couple of young persons where only one of the parties concerned wants a lifetime (not a month) without sex. Not clear if the other would be allowed to have sex with others or will have to explode. In my opinion there is a slight chance that it could work (say 1%) but it sounds extremely unfair to me. I would suggest him to run away from her, and would tell her don't do this to someone you say you love...

SparklingCrystal 💖💎 Joined Mon 05/20/13 Posts: 33251	Sat 02/20/21 05:11 AM
Two questions: Have you had sexual feelings / attraction for other people? or are you not into sex? Why do you want him for your life partner? And yes, it will affect the relationship, unless the other party doesn't want sex either. And if he does want sex, it is unhealthy for sure. Same if you normally have sexual feelings for a partner but not for him. Very unhealthy situation. Unhealthy and just plain weird. What the hell? was my thought. Is it me or just the world in 2021. Indeed! You can't do that to a partner, and if you are capable of sexual feelings, not to yourself either.

Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 14403	Sat 02/20/21 08:41 AM
Hi everyone, is it okay to like someone with your whole heart but not be sexually attracted towards them? You like spending time with them, you are comfortable around them and you want them as your life partner. But you never got sexually attracted towards them or never ever looked at them as a sex object or in a sexual way. Is it still healthy and normal? I don't know if it will affect the relationship. (sorry for the weird question though). Sounds like he's in your friends Zone! Men friends are not always who you would want as a sex partner!

lubosi7 Joined Tue 06/12/18 Posts: 23	Sat 02/20/21 11:09 AM
Its fine to have mutual feelings for the one you like.But if you are going to have an intimate relationship then most likely you two are going to have sex at some point in time.You have to make sure you really love this person.Because once you have sex.Feelings for one another change.Thats why some people say its better to abstain.But really as long as you two love each other you can have sex as long you two are faithful sex is fine.If you dont want to have sex then thats fine too. You can still love each other without sex my dear.Take care.

Prakash Joined Thu 02/11/21 Posts: 1	Sat 02/20/21 11:35 AM
Two questions: Have you had sexual feelings / attraction for other people? or are you not into sex? Why do you want him for your life partner? And yes, it will affect the relationship, unless the other party doesn't want sex either. And if he does want sex, it is unhealthy for sure. Same if you normally have sexual feelings for a partner but not for him. Very unhealthy situation. hi

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Sat 02/20/21 11:36 AM
Its fine to have mutual feelings for the one you like.But if you are going to have an intimate relationship then most likely you two are going to have sex at some point in time.You have to make sure you really love this person.Because once you have sex.Feelings for one another change.Thats why some people say its better to abstain.But really as long as you two love each other you can have sex as long you two are faithful sex is fine.If you dont want to have sex then thats fine too. You can still love each other without sex my dear.Take care. What the hell are you babbling about? Is this just a post to the OP because you find her very attractive and felt the need to say something?

Sohel Joined Sat 02/20/21 Posts: 1	Sat 02/20/21 11:48 AM
hi everyone ! I think it's ok to love someone with whole heart and having no sexual attraction. I am saying it from my personal experience that I loved a girl , and cared for her and never thought for a second for physical thing you know , I think yeah that kind of love exist I did but thing is most of the people don't get it though now a days all of us make sex nessesory part of relationship but relationship is not all about sex , yeah it provides spark in relationship but most importantly relationship is all about the time , memoris , bad or good times or laughs together etc.

motowndowntown Joined Wed 11/19/08 Posts: 21306	Sat 02/20/21 01:22 PM
Yeeeehah right. Sure I could have a sexless relationship with her but I would be spending every minute of it trying to shag the ** outta that **.

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Sat 02/20/21 01:28 PM Edited by Unknow on Sat 02/20/21 01:29 PM
you are comfortable around them and you want them as your life partner. She wants this guy as her life partner. As I've said before, I have several platonic female friends for decades. I love them all in a certain sense. But this?? What kind of weirdness is this crap?

Vizzle "nickname" Joined Thu 10/01/20 Posts: 2	Mon 02/22/21 05:21 PM
I would call that a "companion", off it works then go for it.

ciretom Joined Wed 06/18/14 Posts: 4953	Mon 02/22/21 06:48 PM
is it okay to like someone with your whole heart but not be sexually attracted towards them? Sure. Relevant to dating and romantic relationships, it's called settling. People do it all the time to fulfill goals perceived as more important, sacrificing fulfilling one need/want for the sake of another. One common problem is if you lie to the other person. If you tell them or lead them to believe you are, or don't tell them you're not, sexually attracted to them in order to get them to provide a relationship or resource, because you know otherwise they won't. Another common problem is when you start doing things you don't want to do in order to keep them around, as it leads to resentment and interferes with communication. Another problems is if you start cheating, believing you can compartmentalize your relationships. Where one person provides the emotional or lifestyle component, and you seek others to provide the physical/mental/social component. Using others through deception and manipulation to pick from a buffet building a harem or stable for solipsistic fulfillment. Is it still healthy and normal? Could be. Is it causing problems and stress in your life? Is it causing problems and stress in your partners life? If so, then it's probably not healthy and normal. Can you both live with it? Get up in the morning and function with some level of contentment and satisfaction in life that you and your partner can accept and work towards perpetuating? Then it's healthy and normal.