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| Topic: Should We Smack Or Kids | |
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I would spank my son, I didn't "TAP him on the butt" he got a spanking! when he was younger, Now that his life is his XBOX all I have to do if he has a bad day in school or is disrespectful or rude to me or anyone else is take it away and OOOHHH boy, My point is MADE!!....So I feel that there is a time for a "SPANKING" when kids are younger...don't leave any marks or anything, if you do then that's pretty much beating the child. However when they are older and can comprehend what is happening you find something they don't want to ever have taken away and you take it as punishment....My son did slip the other day and say Sh*t so he got a slap in the face....but other than that, yup. taking away the XBOX works great!!!...He's 10 now and I always get complimented on his behavior and his politeness and his caring ability
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I highly doubt I have ever hurt my son when I have spanked him. Hurt his feelings, yes but with a diaper for a barrier and the fact that I am not trying to cause pain I would safely say he has not been hurt. I have tried the time outs and gotten nowhere.
As for the tantrums mostly they are ignored but there has been the occasional one that has cause a spanking. It got his attention and he quit. I know that tandroms can not be helped and the best way to deal with them is to ignore him. My home is a very consistant home. We have rules and they are to be followed. I realize at 2 they are still learning but there are some things they know and have already learned. We do not throw toys, for any reason, so if my son gets in a mood one day to throw his toys and will not stop no matter how many times he is told he is more than likely going to end up with a spanking. It reminds him that he can not get away with everything and that he will have consequences! |
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I think that spanking should be the very last resort.
I really don't know what to do about my sister, she never got spanked. Time outs didn't work (unless we were supposed to tie her down, the thought had crossed my mind a few times). grounding didn't work, my mom had no way to make he stay inside. Taking things away didn't work it would just cause a huge fight and threats of calling the police and saying my mom stole the items. Yes my sister has mental problems. She swears worse than either my other sister or I do, she hits people all the time, she is very disrespectful to people, thank god she has never been arrested. We tried counseling, she is still in counseling, but to her that is just time away from the house when she comes home it starts all over again. She is going to be 20 this year and she can't leave the house because half the girls in our town are out to kick her ass. She never got spanked in the houe my mom was too afraid of DSS to punish her alot. Sadly she is too old now to really do anything aside from having her arrested. I know this forum is for people that have kids, but being that my mom is handicapped, I helped raise my sisters. I was not psychologically scarred from the 3 spankings I ever received. I do not believe that it is ok to hit people because I got spanked. |
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Edited by
Sumthingdifferent
on
Mon 01/21/08 10:16 AM
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at the beautiful age of two...they are learning how to control their emotions. when they get out of hand, the child sort of melts down and a tantrum ensues. the easiest way to prevent more is by ignoring the tantrum completely. the child is free to burn off the excess energy but receives no reinforcement for the act, negative or positive. some children can NOT calm themselves...if this happens, a cool glass of water generally does the trick. other than that, ignore them completely. punishment isn't nearly as effective as positive and negative reinforcement and natural consequences. at two, redirection is still an option; turn their attention to something completely different. my favorite for children is "natural consequences". in the real world, this is how things work for adults...so it makes sense to teach the child early on. they break their toy, it goes in the trash. they aren't responsible with your ipod, they don't get to use it again. they break the window, they pay for it (or the money that would have been used for their new *insert whatever they want, haircut, toy, clothing, experience* goes to fix the window). reinforcement puts the child in control of their own destiny...they know, IN ADVANCE (because you TELL them), the positives and negatives. they know what happens when they act a certain way...what they need to work for to receive a treat, what they lose if they don't perform to standard. __________ if i strike an adult, i get charged with assault. funny how our littlest ones...our defenseless ones...have no such defense. in the first years, pain can LITERALLY rewire the child's brain. children also explore less when pain is introduced. i want my babies' brains wired by POSITIVE experiences, and i want them to also see their own bodies as just that: theirs. logically, what are we teaching them when we strike them? what's the process here? when someone irritates me/does something wrong/talks back, we should HIT them? that striking out is a valid recourse? that it's okay to cause pain to others? as to "spare the rod, spoil the child", there are many who suggest that the "rod" is a symbol of the shepherd's crook, indicative of guiding the sheep. so we should guide our children, not hit them. there's also a direct correlation between children who receive spankings in the home and domestic violence as adults. we teach our children that we spank them because we love them...it's not that big a step to an abusive husband who says, "honey, i only hit you because i love you so much, and i was soooo angry." Some of the things you have made remark to are true, some however have a true base, but in now way are expressed in there true manner. The first is this.. "there's also a direct correlation between children who receive spankings in the home and domestic violence as adults. we teach our children that we spank them because we love them." This is ABSOLUTELY FALSE! In at least 99% of the studies and research done in NO WAY has "spankings" done in the proper way EVER been linked to domestic violence! That refers to children who are "beaten", "abused" and there is "violence" in the home (like spouse abuse etc) as well. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. You also refer to the "pain" factor in rewiring a child's brain. Proper discipline is NOT all about "pain". Its mostly an action which, just like doing "time-outs" and such shows and "act" of there are consiquences to actions. I certainly agree with the poster who states "spanking should be a last resort" and I TOTALLT AGREE! But it MUST be kept an OPTION for those who will NEED it. Again, EVERY child is DIFFERENT and EVERY situation is DIFFERENT, so ALL OPTIONS must be kept open. And you refer to "spare the rod, spoil the child" and that the "rod" refers to the shepard's rod that guides the sheep. Again, a portion of that is correct, they did use it for that purpose. However, just look on the internet and find out what else that same rod was used for. It was used as a defensive weapon against preditors against the sheep and it was also used for giving "swats" as some term it. It was a very versitile object. And when people speak of "fear" in a child, there is such a thing as HEALTHY FEAR! It's what helps keep us ALL, men women and children in line in certain areas. So yes, in a HEALTHY way, some "fear" is good. But that is NOT fear of the parent, it is fear of the "punishment"! And then you refer to if someone irritates you/talks back etc, do you hit them? OF COURSE NOT! The punishment must fit the crime! That is no excuse to hit anyone. And again, such things should be used as a LAST RESORT...but do not discard them! Even in WAR, it happens. We can all hate it as much as we want, but that will NEVER stop it from happening. It happens and you deal with it accordingly 
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 I cant help but laugh at the fools in here.... Simply said, act up and come my way. I will strike you if your out of line...You wont like it. Hit a kid, you got it coming to you... 
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Some of the things you have made remark to are true, some however have a true base, but in now way are expressed in there true manner. The first is this.. "there's also a direct correlation between children who receive spankings in the home and domestic violence as adults. we teach our children that we spank them because we love them." This is ABSOLUTELY FALSE! In at least 99% of the studies and research done in NO WAY has "spankings" done in the proper way EVER been linked to domestic violence! this is NOT false. http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/CP23.pdf http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/662/context/archive http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0022-2445(199611)58%3A4%3C825%3ACPIAAP%3E2.0.CO%3B2-2 That refers to children who are "beaten", "abused" and there is "violence" in the home (like spouse abuse etc) as well. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. nope, i'm just talking about spankings. not about abuse, and not about violence in the home. You also refer to the "pain" factor in rewiring a child's brain. Proper discipline is NOT all about "pain". Its mostly an action which, just like doing "time-outs" and such shows and "act" of there are consiquences to actions. did you know that there is also a correlation between spanking and cognitive development? http://www.clogo.org/Archives/prd/lib/Straus1998.html And when people speak of "fear" in a child, there is such a thing as HEALTHY FEAR! It's what helps keep us ALL, men women and children in line in certain areas. So yes, in a HEALTHY way, some "fear" is good. But that is NOT fear of the parent, it is fear of the "punishment"! And then you refer to if someone irritates you/talks back etc, do you hit them? OF COURSE NOT! The punishment must fit the crime! That is no excuse to hit anyone. And again, such things should be used as a LAST RESORT...but do not discard them! there is also a correlation between spanking and ending up in prison. go figure. i wish i could access more of the studies...alas, as i'm no longer a current student, i can't access the school's databases. |
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Some of the things you have made remark to are true, some however have a true base, but in now way are expressed in there true manner. The first is this.. "there's also a direct correlation between children who receive spankings in the home and domestic violence as adults. we teach our children that we spank them because we love them." This is ABSOLUTELY FALSE! In at least 99% of the studies and research done in NO WAY has "spankings" done in the proper way EVER been linked to domestic violence! this is NOT false. http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/CP23.pdf http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/662/context/archive http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0022-2445(199611)58%3A4%3C825%3ACPIAAP%3E2.0.CO%3B2-2 That refers to children who are "beaten", "abused" and there is "violence" in the home (like spouse abuse etc) as well. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. nope, i'm just talking about spankings. not about abuse, and not about violence in the home. You also refer to the "pain" factor in rewiring a child's brain. Proper discipline is NOT all about "pain". Its mostly an action which, just like doing "time-outs" and such shows and "act" of there are consiquences to actions. did you know that there is also a correlation between spanking and cognitive development? http://www.clogo.org/Archives/prd/lib/Straus1998.html And when people speak of "fear" in a child, there is such a thing as HEALTHY FEAR! It's what helps keep us ALL, men women and children in line in certain areas. So yes, in a HEALTHY way, some "fear" is good. But that is NOT fear of the parent, it is fear of the "punishment"! And then you refer to if someone irritates you/talks back etc, do you hit them? OF COURSE NOT! The punishment must fit the crime! That is no excuse to hit anyone. And again, such things should be used as a LAST RESORT...but do not discard them! there is also a correlation between spanking and ending up in prison. go figure. i wish i could access more of the studies...alas, as i'm no longer a current student, i can't access the school's databases. Your seem bother by this just as much as I am. Although I dont recommend you waste anymore of your precious energy on these fools. You have done well in your research and Kudos to you. There are obviously two kinds of people in this world, ones that will and ones that wont..I refuse to be a part of this elementary form of a thread any longer...Move past and let them ruin it for themselves |
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This seems tobe more of a I'm right your wrong thread which is what makes it a waste of time. Neither side is willing to agree to disagree. No one should tell anyone how to raise their kids, this includes people who think spanking is ok and the ones that do not. Everyone is raised differently.
I for one do not think spanking is necessary. No it's not because I was spanked as a child, under the circumstances i can't say i'd have reacted differently. I have never been arrested for domestic violence as i don't hit people, never been to prison, am respectful towards people, BUT I was aso only spanked 3 times in my entire life. I could have my sister arrested for hitting my mom but then my mom would lose a daughter, her words not mine. She hits people constantly, swears at my mom daily, starts constant fights. My mom will not do anything about this because she doesn't want to lose her daughter. Could this have been different if she had been spanked, maybe maybe not, it's too late to know. As for hitting someone that is disciplining their child, that is no our place. Call the police as someone suggested earlier, let them handle it. It's not our affair to tell people how to raise their child. This topic IMO should be locked and closed because it does nothing but upset people. Eeryone has their own views about child rearing, who are we to judge. |
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BEAT 'EM WITH A STICK! OR A HAMMER!! WHACK THE LITTLE %&^%&&& AROUND!
I'm in a giddy mood and I am being very unhelpful wherever I pop up. (I do agree with the spanking, it did worlds of good for me when I was a kid, which wasn't that long ago.) |
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This seems tobe more of a I'm right your wrong thread which is what makes it a waste of time. Neither side is willing to agree to disagree. No one should tell anyone how to raise their kids, this includes people who think spanking is ok and the ones that do not. Everyone is raised differently. I for one do not think spanking is necessary. No it's not because I was spanked as a child, under the circumstances i can't say i'd have reacted differently. I have never been arrested for domestic violence as i don't hit people, never been to prison, am respectful towards people, BUT I was aso only spanked 3 times in my entire life. I could have my sister arrested for hitting my mom but then my mom would lose a daughter, her words not mine. She hits people constantly, swears at my mom daily, starts constant fights. My mom will not do anything about this because she doesn't want to lose her daughter. Could this have been different if she had been spanked, maybe maybe not, it's too late to know. As for hitting someone that is disciplining their child, that is no our place. Call the police as someone suggested earlier, let them handle it. It's not our affair to tell people how to raise their child. This topic IMO should be locked and closed because it does nothing but upset people. Eeryone has their own views about child rearing, who are we to judge. i personally feel this thread has stayed quite civil. i'm kind of impressed... while no one is necessarily going to "agree to disagree", it's important to HAVE discussions like this so that we can find like-minded people, if we are intending to find a mate. this is a HUGE issue for me...and it's a GOOD thing to learn more about others... |
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while no one is necessarily going to "agree to disagree", it's important to HAVE discussions like this so that we can find like-minded people, if we are intending to find a mate.
this is a HUGE issue for me...and it's a GOOD thing to learn more about others... Lori, I agree! 
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It's good for discussion, i agree.
As long as people remember that it's a discussion and that people have a right to their own opinion. Some of the posts have made me wonder if people aren't taking the thread a little too close to heart. It has made me think alot about things that go on. Also made me wonder if I really do ever want kids of my own lol. |
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this is NOT false. http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/CP23.pdf Some points they make in this one.. "Yet there hns been no direct test of either modeling of cultural norms or other processes that could account for the link behseen corporal punishment and partner violence." "94% of a national sample agreed that “a good hard spanking is sometimes necessary” (Straus & M&w,1994)." And there is so much more information, but it states in many areas clearly when there is a "high degree" of such "punishment, etc, etc. The one stat ALONE about 94% surveyed puts you and anyone else that thinks basically NEVER " spank" a child, puts you in the HUGE minority. If 94% of people believe the same way...i highly doubt it's going to be wrong. . |
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I cant help but laugh at the fools in here.... Simply said, act up and come my way. I will strike you if your out of line...You wont like it. Hit a kid, you got it coming to you... LOL..as just pointed out, you are in the 6% minority. 94% disagree with you. So you're not that tough.
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And to once again state very clearly. I have one single point in this thread. A person should not disgard a "spanking" as a last resort option..especially if its not YOUR own child!
94% of people state that is is an option..so you 6% do it your way and leave the rest of us alone. Don;t try to tell us how to raise our children either. We are NOT telling you you MUST "spank" your child or ANY child. But it should remain an OPTION, because it DOES WORK in certain situations.
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I cant help but laugh at the fools in here.... Simply said, act up and come my way. I will strike you if your out of line...You wont like it. Hit a kid, you got it coming to you... There is a HUGE difference between hitting a child or anyone else and giving a spanking. I dont care what anyone says about that!!! |
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Not trying to portray myself as tough, not sure where you got that. I hope time heals your wounds
Everyone has an opinion and will stick to that. Obviously I am sticking to mine, I respect your for sticking to yours. Dont agree with hitting children, but to each their own and if that is what you have to do to run your household then so be it. Good luck to all |
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"Smack" isn't a word I'd use on disciplining children. An occasional spank is fine, if they're doing some really radically wrong. But to "smack" them sounds quite abusive and probably is. My children are really sensitive and it never took much to hurt their feelings (such as a harsh tone), so I took that into consideration when disciplining them too.
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Edited by
RomanticSoul
on
Tue 01/22/08 04:47 AM
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Here's a scary (and true) story. I know of a man who killed his estranged wife and her mother, back in Michigan, in 1991. (She'd had enough and left him and she'd just been awarded full custody of the kids.) In his upbringing, he was never disciplined. His mother coddled him and let him get away with everything. If she had stepped in, early on...when he was growing up, things may have turned out differently for my friend and her mother. Although the lack of discipline wasn't probably the only reason he turned out to be a psycho, it's made me really think about how bad wild kids can turn out. This guy had robbed milk trucks when my sister and I were kids, terrorized some of us by chasing us around, it wasn't pretty.
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She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holding back Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday She hides the bruises with the linen and lace Ohhh The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask It's hard to see the pain behind the mask Bearing the burden of a secret storm Sometimes she wishes she was never born Through the wind and the rain She stands hard as a stone In a world that she can't rise above But her dreams give her wings And she flies to a place Where she's loved Concrete Angel Somebody cries in the middle of the night The neighbors hear but they turn out the light A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate When morning comes it will be too late Through the wind and the rain She stands hard as a stone In a world that she can't rise above But her dreams give her wings And she flies to a place Where she's loved Concrete Angel A statue stands in a shaded place An angel girl with an upturned face Her name is written on a polished rock A broken heart that the world forgot Through the wind and the rain She stands hard as a stone In a world that she can't rise above But her dreams give her wings And she flies to a place Where she's loved Concrete Angel |
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