I am dying to know how a light spanking is teaching our kids to fear us. I spank my son and he is not afraid of me nor do I think he will be. His father used to try that same **** on me, that if I spanked him that he would fear me and not respect me. Yet this is the man who is raising 3 hellions that dont get spankings and have no respect for anyone and wont listen to anyone. My son is VERY respectful yet when needed he does get a spanking!

My child's school sent this home last week. It's from www.loveandlogic.com.

Your child is very intelligent. As a parent you will want to set limits without using anger, lecture, or threats. Parents can be experts at sabatoging the value of a consequence by adding extra words, anger, and lecture. It's been said that, "There's nothing like a good scolding to spoil a lesson already learned." As parents, when we use anger, lecture, or threats along with consequence, we raise the odds that our child will become angry or resentful. Even worse, the power of the consequence gets lost in the anger.

In the real world, bad things happen without warning. As parents, we want to raise our kids prepared to live in the real world. That's why it's essental that, through the power of natural consequence, we teach our kids this life lesson: Bad things can happen right away when we make bad decisions. One way to do that is to set limits and use consequences without anger, lecture or threats.

OK and I have only one point in ALL of this. In SOME cases, "spanking" (in the right context) should be an OPTION. That's ALL. Nothing more..read my earlier threads and I specifically state NEVER hit ANY child out of anger or abuse..period.

But some children respond to it. I love my mother with all my heart and the utmost respect and have no fear of her in any way. But certainly remember the times she'd be spanking my butt with the belt .. and looking back..I DESERVED IT!

Why are you insulting people and telling them what to do when they have a different opinion than you?

I have a 2 year old and though my son is not dumb he will try you every step of the way. He doesnt completely get the idea of time out so its lost on him about sitting in a chair for 5 minutes. I would have to take every single toy away for that to do any good. Yet all I have to do is a light tap on the butt when he has done something completely wrong and isnt listening and he finds something else to do that he knows he wont get in trouble for!

Has he been with that counselor for awhile? Maybe it's time for a new counselor that uses different techniques. A good counselor also incorporates some of the sessions with the parent.

I would also contact the school to see what's going on there.
This is not normal behavior for a 10 y/o. I even wonder if he's being bullied at school and taking it out on mom. Kids have a difficult time putting their feelings into words.

Yeh they can be stubborn! But you do it with love, it works and you both love each other. And that little "tap" gets his attention. Boys are usually a little tougher to get our attention. And I could not agree more!

For those who dont believe in spankings I am not judging but could someone tell me how you get a 2 year old to sit in time out when they have been bad?? I have tried and it usually ends up with both of us being quite upset and the point to the time out being lost completely!!

I'll tlk to her about it. Have her look into it.

I dont beat my kids and never will. I dont spank for every lil thing they do wrong but if they know they are doing something wrong and they are ignoring you when you tell them to stop then they are going to get a tap on the butt. PLain and simple. My son being in the terrible 2's will throw tantrums for no known reason and sometimes the only way to get his attention is a spanking. Then his whole attitude changes!!

I haven't figured that out yet either.

Umm why are you telling people what to do when they have a different opinion than you?

Sound familiar???

Just like you, giving a little "advise" to "amybe" help expand the learning curve in the world for someone.

I know the difference. and amazing how, even when explained, how people get "offended" at the use of the English language in its true form. I use the words , as clearly explained. in thier true form and definition. If you have a problem with that, talk to Webster. my words have weight and hold true meaning. If you actually look at the meaning, you will find its in proper context.

I'm not "politically correct" and I really don't care to be. If my being "direct and to the point" is abrasive to you, then simply don't read my posts. because I'm not going to spend my time trying to figure out ways to "dance around" a point just to make someone feel a little bit better about themselves. NOTHING I say is meant to be in "bad manner", and I actually go out of my way to continually point that out, even in the posts themselves.

So lets get back on to the topic....

When my child was two, there was one meltdown temper tantrum.
I left the room. No audience - that's boring for a temper tantrum.

Also, I noticed that the child's patience went down hill if the child was hungry. Mine ate every 2 hrs. Oh, yeah, they become quite charming when they don't get enough sleep or need a nap. lol

I was lucky. I only had to live through one tantrum. I have a cousin that has a degree in child development. She says it may show up later. I have a friend that's a psychologist and she says that not all children get the terrible twos.

He asked for advise for his friend.

I don't need to need to look at Webster. I read just fine and am educated. Thank you, though.

You bet!! I have a 2 year old myself..except now he has a "0" behind it (he is 20) I NEVER "beat" my son..nor did he EVER get in trouble for a mistake or an accident..period. You can ask him.

My son tried that..thowing the tantrums, lasted maybe 3 months. He would get beet red (he is light complected just like me) and would let loose. i would tell him "stop that or I will give you something to cry about" and he would have a few warnings, then he would get a little 3 finger stinger on the back of his thigh just below his diaper. That got his attention and adjusted his attitude.

That in no way was ever a "beating" or "abuse" and ask him today what he thinks about his old man. He and I have always been extremely close since he was born. We love each other unconditionally. So he is the same way as I am with my mother...a "spanking" or a "swat" done in the right manner is proper if needed for that situation.

And that just goes to show, every child is DIFFERENT and every situatuion is DIFFERENT. you don;t have to be a psychologist to figure out not every 2 year old will have terrible two's. All you have to figure that one out is have a lot of kids around and live long enough to watch it. That is what they use to term as "common sense".

So since each child is different and each situation is different, you solve each accordingly. Some may use things like "time-outs", like another poster said she use "the silent treatment" and others a quick little "tap on the backside", its basically whatever works for your specific situation. The main point is it is done out of love and never anger or abuse. Then you do whatever works for you and it will most likely turn out just fine.

Should We Smack Or Kids

should you feed your kids

both need done in varying moderations

hopefully feeding happens a lot more than

a PROPER SMACKING

should never be abusive nor discipline while angry

It is so funny how people say a "tap". You know it's not a tap! In order for you to feel that you get your point across, it has to hurt. A tap does not hurt, a tap is what you do on one's shoulder to get their attention in a loud atmosphere. Dont try and lighten up what is really being done. It's hitting, plain and simple....

And you mention that I have no answer? Answer to what?

You say hitting the child in discipline is done out of love? That is just sick...I am glad to put myself up on a pedestal..There have been plenty of times my daughter has acted up and I was able to solve it without hitting...Must just be the way I handle things.....

I agree...I have NEVER hit..spanked...however you want to slice it, my daughter....she is now 23 and is excruciatingly GREAT in every way...she doesn't do drugs, she has a career, went to college..blah blah blah...so she wasn't derailed by not being spanked..lol....I just don't agree with it personally...there are other methods to discipline without any type of "physical" attached to it...at least it worked for me...

at the beautiful age of two...they are learning how to control their emotions. when they get out of hand, the child sort of melts down and a tantrum ensues. the easiest way to prevent more is by ignoring the tantrum completely. the child is free to burn off the excess energy but receives no reinforcement for the act, negative or positive.

some children can NOT calm themselves...if this happens, a cool glass of water generally does the trick. other than that, ignore them completely.

punishment isn't nearly as effective as positive and negative reinforcement and natural consequences. at two, redirection is still an option; turn their attention to something completely different.

my favorite for children is "natural consequences". in the real world, this is how things work for adults...so it makes sense to teach the child early on. they break their toy, it goes in the trash. they aren't responsible with your ipod, they don't get to use it again. they break the window, they pay for it (or the money that would have been used for their new *insert whatever they want, haircut, toy, clothing, experience* goes to fix the window).

reinforcement puts the child in control of their own destiny...they know, IN ADVANCE (because you TELL them), the positives and negatives. they know what happens when they act a certain way...what they need to work for to receive a treat, what they lose if they don't perform to standard.
__________

if i strike an adult, i get charged with assault. funny how our littlest ones...our defenseless ones...have no such defense.

in the first years, pain can LITERALLY rewire the child's brain. children also explore less when pain is introduced. i want my babies' brains wired by POSITIVE experiences, and i want them to also see their own bodies as just that: theirs.

logically, what are we teaching them when we strike them? what's the process here? when someone irritates me/does something wrong/talks back, we should HIT them? that striking out is a valid recourse? that it's okay to cause pain to others?

as to "spare the rod, spoil the child", there are many who suggest that the "rod" is a symbol of the shepherd's crook, indicative of guiding the sheep. so we should guide our children, not hit them.

there's also a direct correlation between children who receive spankings in the home and domestic violence as adults. we teach our children that we spank them because we love them...it's not that big a step to an abusive husband who says, "honey, i only hit you because i love you so much, and i was soooo angry."