I've noticed in reading women's ads, profiles and chatting that 50's women in particular have this nasty habit of "interviewing" men with questions like:

1) Do you own a home?
2) What kind of work do you do?
3) Do you pay child support?

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Tsk, tsk. It's quite obvious what you're doing. You're trying to get a quick snapshot of my finances.

Whatever happened to a woman just wanting to get to know a guy to see if they were compatible and had similar interests? You want us to take the time to get to know you don't you?

It seems to me that women who want to "qualify" men based on their finances are completely misdirected and certainly not the type of women I want to meet.

I had chat with one woman online and in the third sentence from her was "what kind of work do you". She just couldn't resist. I asked her why she wanted to know? She claimed she wanted to see if we had something in common. NO SHE DIDN'T!! She wanted to get an idea how much money I made.

Ladies and gents, what say you to this sad state of affairs?

I think you need to clarify your question for us. Are you asking where to "find" men, or where to meet a man that you met on this site or elsewhere the first time.

It never ceases to amaze me that women looking for men never think to go wherever the odds are completely in their favor. Guy places or events are where you need to be. If you liking fishing, join a fishing club. Loads of men and very little competition. There are lots of other ideas.

Guys who are looking for women never seem to go where the women go, and those are the kinds of places I like to hang out if I have nothing better to do. One example - wine tastings...because hardly any men ever go to those things.

As for where to meet a man that you want to meet the first time but you aren't sure you want to commit to spending a few hours with him, have a Starbucks date. You agree to meet at Starbucks or someplace like that. You've only committed to a half hour. If he's a great guy and you both have time you can linger. If he's a jerk you can scoot out of there in a hurry.

Does that answer it?

I thought you were talking about Italian women. Now there's a topic worth discussing!

Your friend made a big mistake by waiting until the first date to tell a guy that she had children. Some guys won't date women with children or women who have children at home. There are a lot of reasons.

The number one reason men may not want to date a single mom is the difficulty in spending time alone without the children. Hiring a sitter is an expense. Hanging out at her place may not be too appealing with children running around.

Another reason is that some men aren't ready to be fathers and may not want to become fathers soon. Your friend will probably have more luck seeking out men who already have children and may have children living with them. Then they can understand each other's situation a lot better.

I used to do the same thing you did. I put walls up or as I put it I put myself in my protective shell like a turtle. I'd been hurt enough times that I didn't want to be hurt again.

We're all afraid that someone will discover our vulnerabilities and that we're less than perfect person they seem to think we are. The honeymoon period in a relationship usually lasts 6 months and it's during that time that we're on our best behavior and we want to show the other person only the best parts of ourselves. Anything deeper requires a lot of trust.

Real relationships are based on honesty and trust. They are the foundation you use to build the relationship. If you have honesty between the two of you, then building the trust is possible. Lying and cheating and avoiding difficult questions won't get you where you want to be with the man in your life.

I use trust building exercises to build that trust that is so essential. It may be revealing some small hidden fact about me that I wouldn't want everyone to know and seeing how she handles it. If she seems to handle it well then we go onto larger things.

One thing that isn't clear to me is if you have any real chemistry with this guy you're leading on. It sounds like you like him but you don't want him to get real close. Chemistry depends on more than just physical attraction although that's important. Chemistry happens when there are a huge number of connections you make with someone - shared opinions and values, shared history or experiences, shares tastes in music and other things. The more there are the more chemistry there is. Do you have loads of connections with this guy or is he just someone who pays a lot of attention to you and that's what you really like about him?

One last idea if she'd timid about meeting you in person. Assuming she's interested in meeting you face to face but not sure she wants to go out on a date, suggest a Starbuck date. You meet at Starbucks for about a half an hour...longer if things are going really well. All she has to agree to is the half hour. If she liked you, she'll go out with you. If she didn't like you, all you're out is the price of the coffee.

One thing you can do is give her a choice. Would she like to talk with you on the phone or chat with you on Yahoo or AIM? Some women don't want you to have their phone number until they feel they know you well enough. The chat will get you around that problem.

The smartest advice I can give you is to let the woman feel like she's in control. Some women want to take there time getting to know a guy with emails and phone calls first. Other women are faster and want to meet as soon as possible.

One way to break the ice is to ask her about her ideal first date. Where would it be? What would you do together? Is someplace quiet and casual the best for her, or does she like something else? Then you can ask when you can have that "ideal" date with her.

There are no hard and fast rules on when to meet because no two women are identical. Get two women in a room and you'd get two different answers on this question. One thing I wouldn't do is try to pressure a woman into meeting you. That's a No No. Let her feel like she's in control of how fast things move and it will really turn out a lot better for you in the long run.

Shutterbug is right. Let the lady make the call about whether or not you're the right for her.

What's the worst that can happen here? The worst thing that can happen is she'll decide she doesn't want to hear from you anymore....but she's not doing that.

However, before you get to far into this budding relationship, a word of warning. Something like this happened to me. No, I wasn't too nervous to call. That's not it.

I met a woman online years ago. The more we chatted the fascinated I was with her. Then we started talking on the phone and later we agreed to meet. To make a long story short, we fell in love.

After a few trips by plane to see her and have wonderful romantic rendevous, I arranged to move to be with her. It was great for a while. Then things happened that told me that she wasn't quite the wonderful person I thought she was.

We wound up breaking up a year and a half later, but not after a lot of financial losses for me and other problems.

Here's my advice and take it for what it's worth. Tread carefully here. She may seem like the woman of your dreams but realize that when she's on the phone and later when you meet her, she'll be on her best behavior.

You won't see the other parts of her that you might notice if you had a dating relationship with a woman who lived close. If she seems to avoid topics like money that need to be discussed thoroughly if you're going to be together then you need to really watch out!!

In a long distance you can get mislead...easily. So call her, have fun, but be careful. OK?

Yawn...<sigh>...nighty night!

I'm in California and last time I checked I was SINGLE!!

NEXT QUESTION????

I haven't found that the people you'll meet on a paid site are appreciably any better than the ones you'll find on a free site. One other site to check out that's good is www.plentyoffish.com.

Welcome to JSH....pull up a chair and sit a spell.

Hi Joy...welcome JSH and the forums....San Diego here.

To be honest, and I know you'll disagree, there seem to be a lot more heavy women than there are heavy men.

Then again, I'm not lookin for a guy to date!

Dude...romance isn't dead. It's alive and well for men who know how to be romantic. Unfortunately for women that isn't every man.

There's more to being romantic than flowers and a nice dinner somewhere. It's being thoughtful and knowing how to please a woman, understanding her needs, and knowing how to listen to her wants.

My experience as a romantic male has shown me that not every woman knows how to appreciate a romantic male. Some women will try to run over you and control you. Some can be downright abusive. It takes a certain kind of woman to really appreciate and treasure a romantic male.

Hello Maggie,

This is a famous question posed in the movie "When Harry Met Sally". Can men and women just be friends and not interested in any more than that?

Yes, I think it's possible. I think first you need to tell us what you mean by a man friend? Do you mean a chat friend, a talking on the phone friend, a friend who visits you, a friend who does things with you, or something else?

I've had women friends who were just my friends. What I discovered was that once you're in a relationship the woman wants you to lose all of your women friends!! Women are suspicious and untrusting of any female friends the man had before the relationship. So if you find a man friend, just be prepared to lose him as a friend at some point because of a new woman in his life.

When it comes to women with weight problems, it's a real problem for women. While many men will accept a woman who has a few extra pounds, very few will accept a woman who is seriously overweight. It's not just because they think the weight is unattractive. It's also because of health problems. You mentioned your knee problems and I'll assume it's connected with the weight problem. I want a woman who can dance, go on hikes, and be active with me.

Yes, I think it's possible for you to find men friends who will chat with you, exchange emails, and talk with you on the phone. If you're restricted in what you can do it's going to be harder to find someone.

That's just one guys opinion but it probably reflects a lot of men's opinions.

D

San Diego, California!

I'm seriously looking but I know that to find right one usually takes a long time. There will be lots of twists, turns, and disappointments along the way. The good side of it is that I get to meet some interesting women along the way!

Single, divorced, and "looking".

While I'm not a supporter of John McCain, I think he has a point when he says we need to be really careful before we get serious about renogiating a major trade treaty like this. If we say we're opting out of NAFTA if Canada and Mexico won't agree to new terms, what is to prevent all of the other countries that we have trade agreements with from doing the same thing to us?

I don't know what they were thinking when we signed up for NAFTA. Canada and Mexico have less money and lower costs than we do and it was clear from the beginning once we got rid of tariffs to protect US businesses that there were going to be a lot of job losses that wouldn't be replaced from NAFTA. There was far more in it for Canada and Mexico than there was for the US.

Whatever we lost to them we clearly weren't going to make up in other areas of business. If we were going to be in this agreement we clearly needed to do a better job for the people losing their jobs directly from NAFTA, but what about all the people who lost their jobs indirectly because of NAFTA? Once factories closed, it closed lots of other businesses. The interesting thing is that none of these other busineses and their employees qualify for trade assistance. Did you ever think about that?

Some of the ideas for helping people just won't work. How do you tell a 55 year old man who lost his job to go back to community college? There has to be something better.

We can try to modify the agreement, but if we do, we need to be really careful about how we do it before we open Pandoras box.