The thing is, she thinks that you're a nice guy. If you keep seeing her but aren't prepared to do it on anything but a casual basis it becomes a one sided relationship where you're the one getting what they want from it. You're calling the shots and she just goes along with it because she loves you, even though she's not happy with the relationship.

Yeah. A lot of no-strings people are like that because they really aren't open to love but they still want the romance. That's where it is playing people a bit. That's where you start giving them the impression that you might have real feelings for them and might want to get more serious.

I don't know. Kind of agree that a couple of months is really early days and even if I did have feelings for someone after that period of time it wouldn't be unusual because I tend to fall for women quite easily. I wouldn't be telling them that I loved them though unless things were going really well between us. The only reason in this scenario that I can think of for just coming out with that "out of the blue" would be if I felt that the other person was just jerking me around and I wasn't happy about that.

I suspect that this is how she feels about you. I have no idea what you told her that you were looking for when you got involved with her. Maybe you said that you didn't want anything serious and she hoped that you would change your mind. Anyway, best advice is that when you tell her don't do it in a douchbag sort of way because you're breaking her heart.

I can only say what would work for me. I wouldn't really consider us to be a couple until we were in a monogamous sexual relationship and it wasn't just a casual thing. There's a distinction between being a couple and between being lovers that I recognise. I'm not old fashioned and wouldn't really consider it a relationship without sex but there's a whole lot more to being a couple than that. To a certain extent I suppose you're a couple when you're saying that to the world and not just to each other. You introduce them to your family and friends and see how you work together.

As far as the cross cultural bit goes, I personally wouldn't be prepared to convert to a religion. I don't know about other customs. Just don't expect to get a dowry out of me.

Bah. Where's my chocolate watch? Why does he get one for being a perv and I don't?

Well, my ex told me all about her past. How she had traveled the world and how her daughter was born in America. She told me about the custody battle but didn't really talk about the guy. She didn't want to talk about him and she just talked about what she had said to her daughter about how Jesus was watching over her and that everything would be alright. She also mentioned one or two other guys' names and where she met them but didn't really talk about what they did together. She just said that she had been lucky to have known some nice guys in her life and wasn't interested in telling me all about them and I didn't really want to know as long as they were history.

Oh well. I'll try to get over that then darling.

It's not really your business what my ex and I talked about but I was still trying to deal with some issues from my childhood. It was stuff that I had never really had someone that I felt that I could talk about to before I met her.

Also, I would maybe look to see if there's a pattern here with you losing interest in women after the sex has become boring, or something else that you feel has been wrong with your relationships.

Do you ever want to marry again? If the answer is no then there's maybe no point in having a think about what you do want in a woman because it's just somebody that's fun to hang out with that won't get all clingy on you.

I think that it's very much a personal decision. If you really don't want anything serious and she does then I suppose that you should tell her that you're not the one she's looking for and end it.

I'm not sure what I would do myself. Maybe ask myself if it was just me having a commitment phobia. Why don't you love her? What's wrong with her? Is your sex life good or unsatisfactory? Is there some reason that you just can't see a future with her? Do you have some sort of idea about what sort of woman that you do want and can't get over the fact that it's not a woman like her?

Not at the moment. No.

I do have these ocasional relapses but I just thought that your thread was so funny that I really couldn't resist drunkposting it.

Glad to see that you're just about keeping up there.

Yes. That's true that I did say in another thread that I kept going on about the past to my ex. Never really wanted to talk about previous girlfriends with her though. I did let it slip early on that I smoked Marlbro lights because that was what the girl before her smoked but I didn't want to talk about that anymore and I changed my brand.

My ex might have been all kinds of crazy but I never really saw her as damaged goods. Sure, she had been through some stuff but she came through it. I was the one that was stuck in the past and kept going on about it and she was a good listner to a point but she said to me that she didn't want to talk about that and she wanted to think of now and the future. She just couldn't see a future with me and she just saw a guy that was broken that she tried to help. That's what she kept telling me anyway.

Alright. Maybe I'm not the horniest guy on here then.

Just the guy that doesn't wear jewelery and has naked fingers. Oooh....

I can't even remember what I was going to say about this now. What was it again? Something about a guy leaving his wallet in a tart's kitchen?

Right.

I went home with a bird once and when I took my coat off all my money fell out of my pocket and I wasn't bothered and it was only when her daughter came back in the morning earlier than expected that there being money scattered all over the floor became an issue. She told the kids that they could have the money and her explanation why there was coins all over the place was that she had been, "Partying last night." I sneaked out while the kids were picking up the scatter.

Sorry. I've told this story before on here but I just wanted to say it again because it's better than you're story about a woman looking like a ho.

I mean man. For Christ's sake. Let's look at this story again in more depth to see if we can try to solve the mystery.

Let's look at the evidence here.

I deduce that he was sober because he drove her home and he's the sort that worries about a tart nicking his money.

He left the wallet where again? In the kitchen, did you say? Why? Doesn't really matter. Maybe you said that he hung up his coat. I can't remember. And I wasn't drunk when I read the story. Sorry about thinking that you said that it was a cat. I wasn't really taking notes.

Here's another story for you.

A woman once left her knickers in my house. I suppose she must have known where she was when she took them off but maybe not.

Sorry. I'm struggling to understand how this happened without them being drunk. You said that this bloke was about to shag his bird and then she left the room to do something and when he woke up in the morning he was still sober and didn't have a hangover but he had emptied his sacks at least and then he looked in his wallet and he was like this uptight breadhead again and he got all peeved because he seemed to have lost some cash?

Tell me if I'm misrepresenting the story here. You lost me when you said that he was sober enough to know how much cash he had on him.

It's fine and yes. What you're saying there. I spent years going over it and thinking about what I had done wrong and I was constantly trying to please her when we were together, although I've got a bit of a stubborn streak and she was telling me why I was inadequate, while she wasn't exactly making me happy.

She just didn't have enough patience with me and I don't think that she wanted to be arguing all the time, even if she was the one starting them.

She was just like a force of nature. She was someone that kept saying to me that she was a woman and she was frustrated because she thought that I didn't understand her. At the time I suppose it might have been easy to take the atitude that it wasn't that I didn't understand women and that she was just a bunny boiler. That was how I felt when it was really bad.

It wasn't all bad though and even when she was nagging me and making just taking her out to dinner a stressful experience it always worked out in the end and we had fun.

She may not have wanted to live with me or marry me or even be my girlfriend but in a way we could be more intimate because that was all that we really had. It's hard to explain. She kept complaining that I was treating her like crap when I felt like she would just whine about anything and I really was trying my best to make her happy but it just wasn't working. She didn't feel that I respected her as a woman. Thought that I just wanted one thing. Gave me a boot up the arse right at the start of the ralationship when she said that she wanted to come round for a cuddle and then go out somewhere. Had a tantrum because I only seemed interested in the cuddle and didn't want to sit and plan a date first, or maybe just forget about the sex for a minute and just let's go out and have fun.

I learned a lot about myself and my sexuality with her and it's kind of a dumb thing to say but maybe not an easy thing to accept. It's not enough.

Man, I've got a dog too. So have you. I don't know what your dog is like but I want mine settled down and out of the way when I'm about to get it on with a woman.

I wasn't always that bothered about it. It bothered my ex and I had to shut him in a room and he would still bark.

Assuming that she's not a hooker that dog probably isn't used to strange men coming into the house. I mean, my dog's alright with me bringing in ladies now but she's still going to get excited and maybe even jealous if I have one round. It's fine because she's a nice dog but I'll stop what I'm doing and tell a lady friend that it's bedroom time and shut the dog in another room. I might even feed her to get her to settle down and I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

Whether she's a tart that has guys round all the time or not her doing what she did proves nada. I would have done the same sort of thing and I'm maybe the horniest guy on here.

That's what I've done in all of my relationships, however trivial they may have been.

We discussed this a bit in private when you were still talking to me and I would have thought that it was obvious that I come on here to try to understand women and think about my relationships with them.

I don't want to keep going on about my ex but she said that she felt that we must have met for a reason and that there must have been something that she was meant to do for me. She kept telling me why I was a crap boyfriend and what I needed to do to get a woman. It wasn't easy being constantly nagged like that but it was a deep and meaningful relationship for me and now that she's gone I can at least say that I finally understood her and that we parted as true friends.

All I can do is to give my opinion based on what you're telling us about them. No reason to mistrust her and then just because she went to feed the cat when he was trying to get into her pants and he discovered later that he had lost some money that it was most likely her because he's almost certain that that cash was in his wallet.

Guy misplaces money and it must have been his bird that nicked it because it couldn't be him that's a dipshit that loses his money in a gas station story.

Or could it?

I think that we're all waiting for the next instalment here. I wonder what she's going to do next?

Woa there. Crap. She's not quite finished with her last relationship. *RED FLAG* *RED FLAG* *UNAVAILABLE*.

She's looking for a nice guy to work her issues through with. I think that I've been down this road before.

I really don't want to hear about it. Why the hell would I? Well, I guess that I want to know if you've got baggage. Huh?

Not really. If I want to hear a sad story I'll go and speak to a homeless person.

I've done it as well. Your friends even start to get pissed off with you when you go on and on about it, so I try not to get into it with them now and when they ask me why I'm single I just say that my last girlfriend was a nutcase and try to leave it at that.

I don't think that I do that. I still like women and don't "take it out on them". Nevertheless, when I meet someone and they start doing the same things: messing me about; taking their ex baggage out on me; bla bla bla; I say no and I'm not putting up with this again, thankyou.