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| Topic: YES OR NO TO Friends with Benefits? | |
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Edited by
Rapunzel
on
Thu 10/30/08 03:54 PM
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QUOTE: If its between two consenting adults who fully understand the situation and want nothing more, than why not?? That sounds all nice and simple but I have yet to see a situation like this BE that simple. One or both people are left feeling invaded and short changed sooner or later. Or humiliated when their choices become known. Believe me if you are having casual sex people notice. You might think you are being discreet but it is no secret. If any kind of complication arises this very casual agreement can get to be way more than a little situation and nothing more. I have seen future relationships be disrupted. Families torn apart. People think if someone is having sex with them that they can let their defenses down and they get ripped off. I have even seen people commit suicide because they feel so terribly alone and worthless when they really process the meaning of their actions. Since I take educated risks not something that as a mature adult sounds justifiable. When I have to justify something it is usually wrong. If for generations we have been taught that sex is suppose to be accompanied by committment maybe it is because people have seen the long term effects that are easy to ignore when it sounds so "free". Just because you are of a certain age or situation doesn't mean you get to cherry pick your pleasures with out responsibilities. Old age does not entitle behavior. Just because you might not be around for the results of your actions is the best reason I can think of checking your behavior. I would hate to think my legacy was to make some one feel used and discounted. Or face pregnancy or illness alone. Or just remember and experience with me that ment so little that I openly said it was just a temporary moment or gratification. When people have casual sex and call it friends it is really one person useing the other and saying I don't care about later or you. And this is a problem that stays in the bedroom; behind closed doors. Too many times when the later becomes a health crisis or an emotional rock slide the so called friend is long gone or opts out saying "I didn't agree to any responsibility" and those responsibilities fall on innocent victims. Since this is a discussion of people over 50 I think most of you know exactly who does pay for irreponsible behavior. I am sorry I don't want to add the burden on my already loaded shoulders. Especially when I have delayed my gratification like a responsible adult. I personally don't like name calling or labeling behaviors with offensive names that have moral overtones, my God does the judgeing of me when I get there and doesn't leave it to anybody else. But he does clearly lable certain behaviors and if you live in a predominently God favoring population you can't just discount their disapproval when it is convienent and then expect them to turn the other check. Both might be Christian principles but we are talking about facing facts and people who play by one set of rules usually end up dying by them. But if you ask me what I think of a behavior I will tell you that sex with and uncomitted partner is not a benifit to me or any careing person I ever met and someone who mis approriates my friendship to have sex under such casual terms is neither my friend or someone who respects me as a person. I believe that lack of respect and freindship is is exactly why so many people are so unhappy after the fact. Something I don't feel I should have to endure people whining about their choises but often do. I believe people who espouse FWB over look that they could have sex with a committed partner if they would just make the effort. Finding a compatiable mate is never easy and takes committment, compromise, and yes sometimes sacrifice. No you are not a toddler at a birthday party you don't get to eat your cake and have it too. But people who don't want to have a mate should not have the privileges of a mate. Not even a breif try out, or substandard version, or sympathy sex. I personally believe that the few people who participate in this kind of behavior try to sell it to cover their own selfishness. They are saying I want what I want to hell with anyone elses feelings or approval. Yea they can say they have the consent but most of the time you will NEVER convince me that it is not given under duress. But I also believe that there are people who get caught up in the idea that if they don't go along then they will be passed over and that just isn't true. Especially of someone who is responsible and careing. Those people tend to have the common sense to see the correlation. So if you don't want to hear both sides of an issue, or you feel judged because you have to hear some people don't agree with you, or you are tired of opinions that don't agree with yours as beating a dead horse then I guess you have to life in a difficult world. Nobody told you that you would always get your way or or that creating your own me centered rules would be a game anyone else wants to play. <quote>   << Bravo Pacific Star >>> |
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I am not single.But I never get any. So why is it wrong for me to want to find a woman that will let me get with her?  Because you have made and agreement that you are someone elses partner. Most marriage vows don't promise sexual access but I have never heard of any that say you get outside sex. If you are not getting any I am pretty sure there is a good reason and it probably starts with you. That makes you a bad bet for any other partner and why it is wrong. If that makes you cry then man up to your promises or the cost of breaking them. |
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When you say friends with benefits.....it is just a moment of satisfaction.....search for a lifetime of true love and happiness, true love and making love to that one person would be the most ultimate high a persons soul could ever experience. I am glad that there are quite a few of us who are of that same loving, lifelong persuasion.... |
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No frustrations here.
I am not married, so can't be said I am cheating. I am good with my God & my life. All that matters to me. wish the same to ALL others.    
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I only discuss this topic over martinis. Works every time. I end up with a hangover.
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Edited by
Rapunzel
on
Thu 10/30/08 09:02 PM
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When you say friends with benefits.....it is just a moment of satisfaction.....search for a lifetime of true love and happiness, true love and making love to that one person would be the most ultimate high a persons soul could ever experience. I am glad that there are quite a few of us who are of that same loving, lifelong persuasion.... Hi there Carold i certainly am not perfect & have made my share of mistakes...big time.... but if i learn from them ...then i am making progress & going through it wasn't all in vain...  Yes, God is the Main Man...  & He does know the intentions of our hearts //// Peace and Love  |
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When you say friends with benefits.....it is just a moment of satisfaction.....search for a lifetime of true love and happiness, true love and making love to that one person would be the most ultimate high a persons soul could ever experience. I am glad that there are quite a few of us who are of that same loving, lifelong persuasion.... Hi there Carold i certainly am not perfect & have made my share of mistakes...big time.... but if i learn from them ...then i am making progress & going through it wasn't all in vain... Yes, God is the Main Man... & He does know the intentions of our hearts //// Peace and Love |
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I only discuss this topic over martinis. Works every time. I end up with a hangover. |
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I only discuss this topic over martinis. Works every time. I end up with a hangover.
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I tried this only once and it was a disaster. Don't know if it was the Catholic upbringing or that I'm too conservative but once we had the sex -- and it was pretty good -- everything changed for the worse. I was just another woman to him and couldn't reconcile myself to getting up close and personal -- not to mention nekkid -- with someone I didn't love.
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I tried this only once and it was a disaster. Don't know if it was the Catholic upbringing or that I'm too conservative but once we had the sex -- and it was pretty good -- everything changed for the worse. I was just another woman to him and couldn't reconcile myself to getting up close and personal -- not to mention nekkid -- with someone I didn't love. ooohhh..i am sorry,  dear lady i know how you feel you are not alone... it is a creepy feeling , but don't beat yourself up and just move on....we all make mistakes...  we'll just be stronger & better prepared next time 
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and now you know why I like bi women...
They don't think it's wrong to be human... God made people honey...and there's nothing wrong with loving each other. Judging each other.... there's plenty that has been documented about that in most everyone's religious beliefs and dogma. Enjoy life... Make Love, not war... kisses to all the ladies who love to be kissed. |
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There is no tried and true answer that fits everyone. It's a matter of personal choice. I am a practicing christian. I don't believe it's ok to go to bed with someone who is just a casual acquaintance. However, if you have an ongoing friendship, relationship, chemistry with a certain person and the two people feel that attraction, then it comes down to what you believe is right and wrong. It's all about morals and your belief system. Discussing this subject for hours on end doesn't change any of that.
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There is no tried and true answer that fits everyone. It's a matter of personal choice. I am a practicing christian. I don't believe it's ok to go to bed with someone who is just a casual acquaintance. However, if you have an ongoing friendship, relationship, chemistry with a certain person and the two people feel that attraction, then it comes down to what you believe is right and wrong. It's all about morals and your belief system. Discussing this subject for hours on end doesn't change any of that. Discussing this subject enables people to gain the borrowing of such wisdom as yours, for it is personal truth of individual value, as we share here. Otherwise, the articles of magazines galore could suffice to advise without true respect and personal goodwill.
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Hi Scoundrel. Good to see you
 (as a squirrel?) Guess I'm just finished with this discussion. Have to think of something else to talk about.
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Let me tell you about; the birds & the bees;
flowers & the trees...moon up above...& a thing called LIFE. |
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Well this has been an interesting and enlightening topic, everyone has their reasons why they're oppposed or for FWB. I think this topic was a very good topic because it gave me a chance to get to know all of you over 50 people better and your convictions. I hope that we have as lively a discussion in the future as this one.
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Let me tell you about; the birds & the bees; flowers & the trees...moon up above...& a thing called LIFE. Aw.. good song. i forgot about that one. lol |
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Hey everybody, love the squirel scoundrel. Cute.
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Well I guess I'm too old fashion. It took me a while to figure out what the benefits were..  Thats just not my thing.
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