to ask your special someone if they will marry you..?.. we were talking about this at work, how much time should go by.. between the time you meet your special someone and the time you ask them to marry you?.. is there such a thing as too much time ?or too little time?.. so if you were to meet somebody and then five months later, would it be inappropriate to ask them to marry you.. should you wait until you at least lived with them first...?
Should you sleep with them first.?
Should they at least enter the bathroom right after you !!have just finished destroying it.. ... or perhaps as soon as you feel that they are that for ever after person that you should just simply ask them..?

I think a man should ask when he believes that he is ready to be a husband. And he should be considerate and make sure she understands that he will fart and stink up the bathroom on a regular basis......it's all about that whole true love thing.

Ask when it feels right. Besides you can ask someone to marry you and have a long engagement.

I agree with Goofball
If you ask when you are ready why have a long engagement?
I don't understand that

Do they just want their cake and eat it too?

It is different for everyone... You ask when that is what you truly want to do, not when someone wants you to or you feel like you should..

My ex and I had only dated 3 months before he asked me to marry him, we were married for 11 years...

But now if you date them for several years and never ask then they may figure they have been together too long and walk away.. My daughter and her husband was together 5 years before they finally got married..

If and when the feeling is there that is what you want, then it is the time.. There is no time frame for it..

.. but if someone asks you or brings up the subject of marriage and you have only been dating them for let's say 4 or 5 months..
Would you find that a little odd..

Not like do you want to see my collection of human skulls odd..

But we have just started dating and you! Are already asking about marriage odd..lol..
. is marriage always the end game - in dating.?.. I suppose none of us wants to grow old alone.... I always looked at dating as a way to meet new and interesting people and have some fun .. not to mention.. all those free dinners and drinks.. .. but I have come to realize.. that a lot of women especially women in their late thirties and early forties look at dating differently.. dating for them is all about finding their ever after.... they like to date! but they always have marriage in the back of their minds..
That biological clock must tick tick talk really loud to them

Humm you may have that backwards the older I get I could careless if I get married again.. I actually enjoy living by myself.. And would rather just date and enjoy the company..

As far as free meals most women I know now is all for sharing the cost or have no problem picking up the tab..

Normally by the time marriage is brought up is when two people are comfortable with each other and it gets brought up. Most that go as far as asking someone to marry them know that is the person they want to be with and they are exclusive.. Not just dating around..

The chances that anyone on earth will feel exactly the same
as you at the very same instant are rare.

If and when it happens, the questions will disappear.

I think it's a mistake (though an understandable one) to think of this as being a matter of "timing."

Though it is true that some people who want marriage, can get mad and leave you if you don't ask soon enough, from what I've seen, the marriage that results from such couplings isn't necessarily what they ought to be.

What really seems to matter the most, is whether the two people know themselves well enough or not. If they do, then WHEN the question is asked will happen on it's own, or wont matter.

Guess I'm the old fashioned romantic type.

As always I will be the oddball. I believe with honest communication, and having an intimate knowledge of your partner and her desires you will know when the time is right for the proposal.

Each relationship is different and in my case actually getting married made our relationship much more stressful and complicated. Because of my greedy family it actually increased the liability as well as responsibility my wife had to endure, and made it so she was always worried and concerned about loosing something in the next lawsuit. Shortly after we divorced (she knew my love and loyalty was true) she admitted that getting married was really a bad thing, and said she was much happier and liked our relationship when we were not married as she knew the family could not impact her or her kids lives.

I think what it's about is having had enough shared moments. That are moments that really mean something to both of you. Those are the moments where you build emotional connection.
I think 4-5 months is fast, because normally speaking you don't truly know each other yet, not that quick.
I'd personally prefer some other token of "we're really serious here", and know a proposal is in the air, but have it a little later. Like a year, year and a half.

As for the biological clock
- women DO have a biological clock, so if they still want children ...

- women are wired differently from men. We easily make emotional connections, making it a bit more difficult for us to just casually date and date and date, and be intimate etc for years on end without getting attached to someone along the way.
For most women sex is an emotional thing, for men it isn't. It can be, once there have been enough shared moments. Otherwise it isn't. For us it is.

And I think it's a natural instinct of women to want a family or a living together / marriage situation.

Apart from that, women over 40 know far better what they do and don't want. Why waste time on dates when you know you want a relationship and are ready for one?

Also, on average, most women get over past relationships sooner / better than most men. The reason is that we're emotional/feeling beings, where men are more logically wired, it is easier and less uncomfortable for us to work through emotions, even when they're painful.
So on average we're ready for a new relationship much faster, because we've worked through our past.

* If anyone wants to argue about this, please read some psychology on men & women before raising the subject *

I have to agree. The when is not the issue. The why is. If the dating couple know themselves well enough to know they can (and want to) make the relationship work, then go for it.

For what it may be worth, I don't think long engagements improve the odds of success. What works is deciding ahead of time that divorce is not an option. It's either do the work necessary to make it work or get out the arsenic and hope you don't get caught.

Not sure Op ... have heard you go on a driving vacation with them and if you make it there and back with out to many arguments ...then you might have a good relationship ahead of you ... now that I am older of course I would say live with them first ... and as far as the bath rm is concerned I would say you both have to have the door wide open ... unless theirs kids or something in the house ... and speaking of kids to not get them involved with someone unless you plan to be around them awhile and know you have a relationship ... meaning if you are serous about them anyway... + some do not want to get married ... tuff ...? so many different emotions about that ...

Do you have a working time frame for the arsenic ?

And when is the right time to start administering it.

I'm suddenly worrying about all those little pink pills.

if you're willing to let 'her' decide before 'you' are ready, and THEN if YOU are nit happy with the relationship there will always be a part of you that resents that you were pressured into it.

it's the difference between surprising your SO with a new car, you love the look on her face, her sheer joy.

or the 'honey I bought that car for you tgat you've been begging for the last three years even though I think the one you have now is fine'

If you're basing it on time you are basing it on an external indicator rather than communication.
Instead of basing it on what you know through directly interacting with the other person in the relationship you're basing it on something external to the relationship to tell you what to do.

If you're the type of person that has to base their decisions, or determination of relationship health/standing, on external indicators then the right "time" would be when you've considered other external indicators.

Like are you willing to be completely open with all your financial assets and liabilities, willing to share financial decisions, willing to sign or have set up a prenup, willing to give them power of attorney and power over your medical decisions, willing to put their name on all of your bills, bank accounts, leases, and titles, willing to put them on your insurance, willing to file jointly on taxes, willing to stick around forever for her if she gets oops pregnant rather than sticking around just for the kid.

If you need external indicators to tell you what to do, and how you're supposed to feel, then you should consider as many of them as possible before committing to a course of action.

So the right "time" would be however many months it takes to consider these things and how doing them makes you feel, if you're comfortable with them or not.


If I, me, who I am now and knowing how I make decisions, were to meet somebody 5 months ago and happened to ask them to marry me today, it wouldn't be inappropriate.

If some hypothetical every day average joe that behaves in a normal average way as defined by the general idea of the average guy described in the forums, proposed marriage after 5 months, then it would most likely be inappropriate.


Procreation is.
Attraction is a desire for sex, in today's culture that leads to dating, dating leads to sex, sex leads to bonding, sex and bonding lead to a child, sex and bonding lead to wanting a social or cultural recognition of the created bond for the safety of the child and bond.

People's ego and desire for immediate gratification of shallow emotional desires leads to that being screwed with.

The "end game" for dating is either mating, or personal gratification. The latter is hijacking the former for ego fulfillment.

So what have you decided, No1? Are you gonna pop the question even though you only know her for some 4-5 months?
Us girls have to know if you are off the market, so we can start searching for the next smooth talking tall bloke with wide shoulders. That might prove somewhat difficult, so you can't really do that to us on such short notice!!

I'd say time to ask when one knows the he met the right person. There is no time limit for the proposal.

Only your heart will know when is the right time to propose to someone you love. There is no time limit or boundaries. A force will come upon you, wanting to be with someone you love forever that you are afraid to lose her any moment............... When you feel that you are ready to give up your life as a single free man, when you are fed up of being alone and you long to have a family, a children of your own, when you are willing to share everything in your life with someone, when you are emotionally and financially ready as marriage life has its complexities.

Marriage must be a decision of two consenting adults who mutually understand what constitutes a married life, for you will both face many responsibilities. Time does not matter that much, the question is are you both ready for it, in the real sense of the word MARRIAGE. It's not a trial and error or a game, it's a lifetime commitment of love, trust, faithfullness, fidelity, loyalty,family obligations/responsibilities/pressures. Are you ready to dedicate yourself to all of these when the right time comes? When you are, then it is the right time to marry:)

me!!! No way Jose she would have to drag me kicking and screaming to get me back up to the altar again... 1x in a lifetime is enough for me ... never ever again for me wait a minute !! A pretty blonde just walked past maybe I should not say never..lol