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| Topic: When messages from men turn sexual in nature | |
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In the context of looking for an actual relationship, and NOT a purely sexual thing......I am curious (to other women) what your reaction is when messages from a man turn sexually suggestive, and beyond? If you have been communicating for a little while, and talking about meeting.... At what point do you feel the conversation goes from playful curiousity, to the point where he has gone too far.
And men, if you are really looking for a LTR, and you are preparing to meet....do you go there? Is taking the conversation in that direction a sign that it is only sex that you are looking for? |
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Sex can be a very important topic of conversation when handled correctly.
I believe the key is maturity and respect. I have talked with women that take offense at any mention of anything of a sexual nature. To me it indicates an immature sexual maturity and removes them from my interest. As adults, chances are anyone I will meet is not a virgin. I certainly am not. I like sex. It isn't my sole reason for being but I expect it with someone I love and if we can't even talk about sex there is something wrong. Again, I stress, Maturity and Respect. The maturity and respect has to flow both directions. Sadly, I know from talking to a multitude of women that have to contend with constant assults by men that have no sexual maturity or respect, the reflex is to take offense at anything sexual in nature. Sexual maturity and respect is very important to me when considering an intimate relationship. The only way to make that determination is to discuss sexual things. There is a difference between discussing and assaulting. |
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POP goes the weasel if they go there too soon. Game over. |
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POP goes the weasel if they go there too soon. Game over. True but different people have different expectations of "Too Soon". If just the mention of the word sex pops the weasel and they are gone, how can you tell the maturity and respect the conversation was going to have? Without telling them "Not Yet" there is no chance to drop the subject until both are ready for that level of intimacy. Granted, the majority of men will not have the respect to cease and desist but some do. Being hostile at the mere suggestion of a sexual discussion indicates major problems with the personality and the inability to be intimate. I think the common word is "Prude". |
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Edited by
AngieGirl5
on
Sat 09/16/17 05:33 PM
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It seems to me that a man who brings it up before you even meet to see if there is chemistry is simply not savy enough with this online dating stuff. I would just tell him that if there is chemistry that you would have no problem being sexually playful and then ask him if he would like to talk and then meet.
90% of the guys will back down because they will no longer be hiding behind the computer. I find that most men that bring in the sex part too early are just looking for email, texting or phone sex. Tom, Calling someone a "Prude" because that person expressed an opinion that you do not agree about is immature and that is exactly the type of rude response women get when men approach the topic of sex before they have even met. To have a woman assure you she enjoys sex before you spend that dollar for a cup of coffee seems immature, lazy and cheap. |
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Tom, Calling someone a "Prude" because that person expressed an opinion that you do not agree about is immature and that is exactly the type of rude response women get when men approach the topic of sex before they have even met. To have a woman assure you she enjoys sex before you spend that dollar for a cup of coffee seems immature and cheap. I did NOT call anyone a prude. I have heard others use that term in this context and merely mentioned it. Another term is "Cold". A man can also be a prude. Sex, to me, is a deeply personal activity you share with someone you love. Because I feel it is personal is why it is important to understand where a potential partner stands on the subject. Mainly because it is important to a healthy relationship. In online interactions there is a difference in discussing general sexual beliefs from being sexually explicit and personal. The personal discussions should always be done in person with discretion for the time and the place. My issue is if you even TYPE the words "What do you believe concerning sex?" it garners a hostile reaction or a loss of response. How the hell is that fair? Its like the letters S E X throws an automatic switch or red flag. |
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Edited by
AngieGirl5
on
Sun 09/17/17 05:30 AM
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Knowing it is a sore spot to ask too soon and is perceived as a big red flag, why would someone ask about another's thoughts about sex before they even know if there is chemistry? Obviously, if the person you are contacting is a genuine person behind the profile, they are on here looking for romance and that includes intimacy. Like I said, anyone who asks at the start is just trying to get verification that the dollar they spend for coffee and the effort to get away from the computer is well spent. It is self defeating.
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It seems to me that a man who brings it up before you even meet to see if there is chemistry is simply not savy enough with this online dating stuff. I would just tell him that if there is chemistry that you would have no problem being sexually playful and then ask him if he would like to talk and then meet. 90% of the guys will back down because they will no longer be hiding behind the computer. I find that most men that bring in the sex part too early are just looking for email, texting or phone sex. Tom, Calling someone a "Prude" because that person expressed an opinion that you do not agree about is immature and that is exactly the type of rude response women get when men approach the topic of sex before they have even met. To have a woman assure you she enjoys sex before you spend that dollar for a cup of coffee seems immature, lazy and cheap. You nailed it sweetie :-) |
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It seems to me that a man who brings it up before you even meet to see if there is chemistry is simply not savy enough with this online dating stuff. I would just tell him that if there is chemistry that you would have no problem being sexually playful and then ask him if he would like to talk and then meet. 90% of the guys will back down because they will no longer be hiding behind the computer. I find that most men that bring in the sex part too early are just looking for email, texting or phone sex. Tom, Calling someone a "Prude" because that person expressed an opinion that you do not agree about is immature and that is exactly the type of rude response women get when men approach the topic of sex before they have even met. To have a woman assure you she enjoys sex before you spend that dollar for a cup of coffee seems immature, lazy and cheap. You nailed it sweetie :-) Yeppiers and I second that~~~~  |
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Oh, that would never happen on this site...only on those "other" sites.
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So, what I am seeing in these replies is that I am a pervert and unworthy of any consideration because I am not afraid to openly discuss sexual desires? So be it.
I'm not into whips and chains or pegging. Sex for me is caressing, slow and meaningful with heavy romantic elements of love. A tender embrace where bodies merge into ecstasy. Its not a tool or a weapon. Sorry if I need to know what sex means to someone I am considering having an intimate relationship with. I want to know if their sexual desires are twisted. Yes, I will refuse to meet with a woman that can't discuss her own sexuality and desires if that courting process is an internet correspondence over long duration while separated by large distances. |
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I appreciate all of the input. I don't have a problem with the topic coming up, as it is important to know if the other person intends for that to be a part of the relationship that they seek. It is something that bears discussing to a point.
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I think the key point of the opening post, is where she specified " when messages from a man turn sexually suggestive, and beyond."
I think there is a HUGE difference between being sexually suggestive, and talking about sex and sexuality, and it's place within a relationship. I think it's pretty clear, that if someone wants to begin discussing in detail, what specific sexual predilections they like to engage in, before they have thoroughly established at least a verbal friendship, it tends to strongly suggest that they don't view the other person as a human being, so much as a sexual target. The only caution I could put in, is that "sexually suggestive" CAN be in the eyes or ears of the beholder. A person can become oversensitive about such things, especially if online experiences are mostly negative. But again, I've witnessed too many times, how grossly over the line a surprising number of males can be about sexual subjects. When I started to deal with other people again online for the first time some years ago, I was surprised and disappointed at how many males are still behaving the same way that they did when I was in junior high school, and they all thought that unpleasant bodily functions were sources of great hilarity, and that the way to test a woman's interest, was to say lurid things within a message or two. |
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I think the key point of the opening post, is where she specified " when messages from a man turn sexually suggestive, and beyond." I think there is a HUGE difference between being sexually suggestive, and talking about sex and sexuality, and it's place within a relationship. I think it's pretty clear, that if someone wants to begin discussing in detail, what specific sexual predilections they like to engage in, before they have thoroughly established at least a verbal friendship, it tends to strongly suggest that they don't view the other person as a human being, so much as a sexual target. The only caution I could put in, is that "sexually suggestive" CAN be in the eyes or ears of the beholder. A person can become oversensitive about such things, especially if online experiences are mostly negative. But again, I've witnessed too many times, how grossly over the line a surprising number of males can be about sexual subjects. When I started to deal with other people again online for the first time some years ago, I was surprised and disappointed at how many males are still behaving the same way that they did when I was in junior high school, and they all thought that unpleasant bodily functions were sources of great hilarity, and that the way to test a woman's interest, was to say lurid things within a message or two. Exactly~~~~ it is not about talking intimate with one you have been intimate with.. If I have meet a guy and there is a connection then the conversation will go sexually... But when you have not even met them and all they want to talk about is what they are going to do to you or would do ect... Come on wait till at least you have met that person and there is a connection either it be just for sex or what ever... Those that just want to talk sex and have never even met you then it is a pretty much given that is all they want.. And most men that do that will admit it...At least I would rather them be honest up front.. That way if I'm not interested just in maybe sex with them I can move on.. |
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I think the key point of the opening post, is where she specified " when messages from a man turn sexually suggestive, and beyond." I think there is a HUGE difference between being sexually suggestive, and talking about sex and sexuality, and it's place within a relationship. I think it's pretty clear, that if someone wants to begin discussing in detail, what specific sexual predilections they like to engage in, before they have thoroughly established at least a verbal friendship, it tends to strongly suggest that they don't view the other person as a human being, so much as a sexual target. The only caution I could put in, is that "sexually suggestive" CAN be in the eyes or ears of the beholder. A person can become oversensitive about such things, especially if online experiences are mostly negative. But again, I've witnessed too many times, how grossly over the line a surprising number of males can be about sexual subjects. When I started to deal with other people again online for the first time some years ago, I was surprised and disappointed at how many males are still behaving the same way that they did when I was in junior high school, and they all thought that unpleasant bodily functions were sources of great hilarity, and that the way to test a woman's interest, was to say lurid things within a message or two. I agree. You can either be mature, respectful and tactful or you can be rude and insensitive. I've been in a couple of relationships where sex was a taboo subject. Guess what, I felt I was being lead on. I am not driven by my sexual appetite anymore. That certainly doesn't mean I don't want to eat. When does sex discussions happen. Whenever I seek honesty and maturity considerations to determine if there will be a relationship. |
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Well, they know the clock is ticking and they want to get as many rolls in the hey before they croak
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Tom, you wrote:
" I want to know if their sexual desires are twisted. " Really? That's the reason you bring up sex? I don't think so. My advice to anyone who is bringing up sex before they even meet the person: "Get away from your computer, take a shower & shave, put on clean clothes, get in your car, spend that almighty dollar for coffee, & meet the person first." |
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Just about every guy is after sex from the beginning. He just has to know when it is appropriate to go there. I am a guy. My general rule is i get to know someone at least 3 months in order to form a platonic relationship and know that we are compatable at that level. If she has accepted you as a relationship partner by this time she will be receptive to advances in the physical relationship. Make a move. Shes waiting for it.
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Len, you wait until you get to know someone 3 months, really, you wait that long, let me fill you in with a little story, i dated a woman once, treated her like a princess, even waited for her when it came to sex to decide when, then 3 months later, she tells me, she is not into sex, there is 3 months of my sex life down the drain, ,
lifes too short, nothing happens the first week, then i suggest you move on and dont wait 3 months, |
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I like to get to know someone . So if it turns sexual to quick by chatting only. It usually means there after one thing only. Its dissapointing
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