Anytime someone is not being themselves is a game. It really doesn't matter why. It involves misdirection, substitution and plain old lies. Its a fabrication used to reach an objective.

They can and often do, use truths as a tool to reach their objective as well.

Example...
Cowboy/Cowgirl persona that is a total fabrication due to the fact that they have never been near a cow let alone experienced the difficult life that it involves. Yet they pretend to be as a method to reach an objective.

Example...
Emotional outbursts inflated for effect. (crocodile tears).

Example...
The "Oh, Pity Me" syndrome used to reach their objective.

Example...
Misplaced, non-applicable displays of emotional outbursts used to set an atmosphere conducive to their intended objective.

Example...
Constantly testing for deception, setting up lies to see if the other will catch it and what they will do, using complex facades to cover lies creating a situational deception that changes the nature of the relationship...then complaining about it.

Contrast to "Head Games" example...
I want to have passionate sex with you right now.
Okay, Me too.
Then you do.
Or
I want to have passionate sex with you right now.
I don't but later I will
Then later, you do.
Everything else is a game that gets played to that result.

Contrast to "Head Games" example...
I want to go fishing today.
Me too.
Then later that day you both go fishing.
Or
I want to go fishing today.
I don't but I will go shopping, see you when we get home.
Then later, back home, both are normal and no issues arise.
Everything else is a game that gets played.

We all been playin' those mind games forever
Some kinda druid dude liftin' the veil
Doin' the mind guerrilla
Some call it magic, the search for the grail
Love is the answer
And you know that for sure
Love is a flower
You gotta let it, you gotta let it grow

Mind Games (John Lennon, 1973)

Yes, what's up with that peggy? It completely baffles me and is really frustrating. They know their interested in the beginning with sweet talk, flowers, etc.., and soon after you let them know you're interested, they back off from the sweetness and either start treating you poorly, or start picking on you, teasing you insatiably. Kind of reminds me of that song, "You don't bring me flowers anymore".

I don't get the teasing part, unless it's like when we were in grade school and the boys only teased the girls they liked. Only we're not in grade school anymore. But perhaps, once you let them know you're interested, they too have fears or aren't quite sure how to act, so they pick on you instead of continuing the sweetness.

I do believe it's possible for the one who is being cautious with investing their emotions could be accused of playing games. It's happened to me and I've seen it with others. I've never been one to really play hard to get...I've been told by others to do that, but doing anything other than what's natural escapes my mind in most things in life. So "playing" in a manipulative way, doesn't really enter my mind.

I have been overly cautious, mostly in the last couple of years. Whether that's just being scared or having learned from past mistakes, I'm not sure at this point and time.

Interesting topic peggy, I believe over all it's tricky to determine if someone is really playing games, what appears to be a game to you, may not be in their mind. I believe the only way to know for sure, aside from asking them straight out, is time. Asking though, doesn't necessarily mean you'll get a straight or honest answer...especially if their playing games. Mind boggling!!!

i will never know and i dont even wanna know.

i will never know and i dont even wanna know.

Can anyone give examples of mind games people play in the dating arena?

Passive aggressiveness.
Sex as a weapon or reward for desired behavior.
Personality shifts alone vs. other people.
Emotional manipulation of self and others.

Pretty much anything where the direct idea or behavior expressed could be taken at face value, is relatively socially acceptable or even desired, but indirectly motivates a desired response or change in the others behavior, beliefs or perceptions.

e.g. "Does this make me look fat?"
Having to wait 3 days before calling after getting a number.
Having to wait 3 days before calling after sex.
Objects/gifts as messages.
Attention then inattention.
Flirting with others and jealousy.
Ghosting after dating/sex.
Forcing things into ultimatums.
Expected mind reading or over relying on indirect communication.
Deep conversations and information purges at meaningless or arbitrary times.
Slowly push or pull away then come back, on and off; relabeling fwb/dating/friends.
"Hard to get," or, acting uninterested, or, "negging."
Phishing ("What are you looking for? Where do you think we are? The Talk").
"Hate the game, not the player."





That's a mind game in itself.
Ironic.

Mind games come in many guises, namely manipulation, playing hard to get, wanting control, making you jealous, testing us etc.
I think as you get older you come to a point when you look at mind games as immature for want of a better word. At my age I now know who I am, what I want from life and where I'm heading so there's no need to play 'mind games'.

I saw a documentary years ago.it was about predicting
who would have a good long marriage and who would not..
they claimed the could tell by watching the couples
for an hour or 2.

So the audience watched the couples work together on a
project, building something from scrap paper and such.
We watched how they interacted with each other.

Well, the point ended up being..those who 'played' with
each other had a deep understanding of the others needs
and their marriages would last.

Those who went right into, sort of..sparring with each
other, ridiculing, lack of cooperation, they predicted
these couples would not last.

Then they followed them for years.
Dead on, they were.
They called it 100%.

Not what you were looking for Pegs maybe but the idea of
'playing' or head games reminds me of this.

Yes I still hate... coming across some guys junk on the forms...omg.. put it back in your pants where it belongs... never really get used to that.. probably a little different for you ladies but... still bit of a shocker ...lol

*********************************************

Isn't GREAT to find a group of DYSFUNCTIONAL,
Multinational, Multicultural and Multi-skilled
people who fit your needs ??...Awwww that's when
I feel most at home and with my adopted family.

Well, I had a lovely message telling me a strong and charismatic woman like myself is intimidating to men. Not so, I get a ton of messages...
Is knowing what you want a bad thing?
I like seeing how Minglers socialise with others, sure it limits my prospects, but with so many scammers here, I am over responding to 99% of my mail.
Hit me baby...Do I suck?

..well.. then you will find yourself in turmoil and at odds with your conscience..
All the time... do I remain a true friend to this person that did this horrible thing to another person.. or do I leave them because I do not agree with who they are..
What they have done.... the struggle is real people..lol... at some point there will be a Tipping Point in One Direction or another.. only then you will truly know your inner self.. may you walk hand-in-hand with Buddha... child.. may you find inner peace with this moral dilemma...lol.wink.