Yes peggy, that makes perfect sense and I believe sometimes that's how it is. Was it you that started the thread awhile back about flirting online and maybe it being misconstrued by the other?

The other thing about that, until they have met in person, maybe they are more apt to feel uncomfortable with someone saying they care more?

I was more referring to someone who may approach me first, I'm not one to do the pursuing, and then backing off when I say "yes, I like you too". But as you said, perhaps that person may want to keep it at a flirting level, or they could be more interested in the chase, rather than the catch.

This can happen without intentionally meaning too. If they have deep seeded commitment issues that they are still not aware of, it happens more on a subconscious level, but appears as playing a game in the eyes of the other.

Yes, what's up with that peggy? It completely baffles me and is really frustrating. They know their interested in the beginning with sweet talk, flowers, etc.., and soon after you let them know you're interested, they back off from the sweetness and either start treating you poorly, or start picking on you, teasing you insatiably. Kind of reminds me of that song, "You don't bring me flowers anymore".

I don't get the teasing part, unless it's like when we were in grade school and the boys only teased the girls they liked. Only we're not in grade school anymore. But perhaps, once you let them know you're interested, they too have fears or aren't quite sure how to act, so they pick on you instead of continuing the sweetness.

I do believe it's possible for the one who is being cautious with investing their emotions could be accused of playing games. It's happened to me and I've seen it with others. I've never been one to really play hard to get...I've been told by others to do that, but doing anything other than what's natural escapes my mind in most things in life. So "playing" in a manipulative way, doesn't really enter my mind.

I have been overly cautious, mostly in the last couple of years. Whether that's just being scared or having learned from past mistakes, I'm not sure at this point and time.

Interesting topic peggy, I believe over all it's tricky to determine if someone is really playing games, what appears to be a game to you, may not be in their mind. I believe the only way to know for sure, aside from asking them straight out, is time. Asking though, doesn't necessarily mean you'll get a straight or honest answer...especially if their playing games. Mind boggling!!!

sorry peg i am either mixing peeps or threads your one post in here doesn't really justify my response.

so for you there are only 2 allowable modes?
alone or in a committed monogamous relationship? and not learning period in between?

Hi Peggy, I agree, I've thought of it as a cross over period, when you meet someone for the first time then agree to meet again do you stop any progress being made with someone else? Or if you're seeing someone casually then go on a date do you carry on seeing the casual friend?

You really stumped me on this one. Maybe it's just someone who isn't attracted to most people.

..yes I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 69 can you guess what number .. I'm thinking..lol..wink and hi..u

Thanks for the laugh

: want to play a mind game

Agree

I think the difference between mind games and just playing is when just playing, we know we are just playing. Mind games are hidden and deceiving.

I've got him wrapped around my little finger.
She will do anything I want her to do.
VS
Me Tarzan, You Jane

Playing hard to get is entirely different from not making it too easy.
The first is kind of like deliberately not replying to his message/call for x amount of hours, days maybe even to pretend or to try and make him more interested.
Not making it too easy is by having a life, having standards, and sticking to them. For instance by not adapting your schedule to suit him and because you would love to see him so badly. Instead you simply tell him you can't that day because you already got an appointment. That's also making him 'work' for you without pretending, without manipulating. It's being honest and sticking to your standards of not dropping your life for a partner.
You can tease him, be playful and flirty. That's not the same as playing hard to get or playing mind games.

Ohhh.. I love game playing in a relationship..
Especially dress up..
Wink.lol

I actually feel that myself, towards others, more than I feel that towards me.
Most of the people that meet me want to know me.
I seldomly have someone break off their relationship with me after getting to know me.
I, however, do break off with others after I get to understand them.
It stems from their deceptions towards me.
It becomes pronounced by the head games they try to use on me for whatever reason.
People tend to like me because I am honest, up-front and natural.
I tend to be comical and joyful to be around. People feel good after they have been near me.
When I see someone enough to understand them, I begin to see how they put up an act to hide their true nature. It causes me to realize they are using deception. If they are lying about this, what else might they be lying about? Once that question is set in my mind, its all downhill from there.


This is more in the realm of romantic relationships.
This happens to me a lot because most women can't grasp someone that is open and honest and natural. Probably because they are constantly surrounded by hidden agendas and unnatural personas that take advantage of their every weakness if she exposes it.
I don't change my nature to win their favor because I want them to want me for who I am in reality, not who I can be in a game.
In those cases, all that I can do is be honest about how I feel for them and then be patient to see if they decide I am what they want in their lives.
I have to accept their answer even if it makes me feel sad because a relationship is a two-party deal and both party's must participate.

I refuse to force a relationship.
She either WANTS to be with me or she doesn't.
Game tactics used to try to make me jealous do not work because I never force her to love me.
There are many men out there that are better than me in many ways.
I offer my unique self, its her decision to accept it.

Likewise, on the opposite view, I will not accept someone forcing me to love them.
I will not use tactics to persuade her.
I make my own decisions and I expect her to do the same.

If she thinks I'm groovy being me
and I think she is groovy being her
That is basis for a relationship.

Yes, weird and difficult. I guess that's why communication is so important, if they can last long enough for that, that is. This combination rarely does, or so it seems to not.

I think it might also be interesting to look at how people "think" someone is playing a head game but they really are not.
That, I believe, can open a whole different can of worms in the relationship.

As for questions...
Most questions are not head games but depending on the 'timing' and the 'context' of the question they can be.
Discussions stemming from some questions can turn into head games, as well.

Where is this relationship going?
What, you don't know?
A head game

I feel as though our relationship is starting to stagnate. Do you feel it as well?
This might garner a different, more honest, response.

Most people will not own their feelings openly. It is a defense mechanism. They will redirect the focus of their query to make the other say it first. This is a head game.

I was told during marriage counseling that we should own our words. To speak in the present sense personally. Use words like "I", "me", "we" and "ours". That saying "you" when talking about issues, places blame on the other and it will illicit a defensive response.
I can say that it was great advice. Many arguments were avoided or stopped using that advice. Problem is, if only one person is aware of it, the other's attempts at head games and manipulation gets focus faster, which can lead to a whole new set of arguments.

Playing head games with someone is a deception.
Living in a world of deception causes some people to use head games without even realizing it. It becomes a personality trait.
The more head games played, the more one thinks in that perspective. It opens the mind to delusional thinking and the honesty of self gets lost.
The person finds themselves forced to act out the scenarios that support the head games. This causes inner conflict and builds stress and unhappiness. They feel trapped in a false world of their own making.

allow me to explain please.
i was merely giving an example and simply stating that i am not interested to know about other people or the player itself might do.
hope this is clear enough. thank you.