Hmmm...

I dont want to put this in the same category because one is obviously more final and painful than the other but wouldnt it be a little bit like
two divorcees who still love their exes?

In a divorce like that, the ghost of the ex lingers and the new love often feels haunted by it.

Whether its a divorce or death in question, the "victim" needs some distance and healing from either tragedy before moving forward with a new love.

And the new couple needs to be secure enough in their new relationship and compassionate enough about each other's loss to be transparent about residual feelings for their previous mates ..Maybe even seek couple's therapy to work through all that heavy stuff

This is gorgeous!

Sounds like the next level for you is a new house joe. Yiu dont need a relationship fir that :p :)

I agree Doc.Casual dating sounds like the best way to go if you need that kind of freedom. Its just important to be transparent about your intentions with whomever you are dating and always be conscious that the other person may be secretly hoping for something more setious, ehich you may have to uncomfortably address at some point later on

I got ya Ms H. Thats the way Ive been wired to think myself. Now Im opening my mind to the idea that for some people , loving each other almost unconditionally is the next level or goal. I still struggle with the idea though because my brain is wired to look for some grand tangible symbol of commitment or maybe a grand tangible symbol of investment

I think it can work both ways. Art can imitate life and life can imitate art.Art should never be stiffled as we should all have the right to express ourselves , once it poses no threat to human life.And art is one of the more acceptable and powerful mediums of depicting the truth of alienated groups in society, who are often not given a platform to do so.

On a related note,since art is often a mere expression or interpretation of life ,I wish there was some way of getting a broader spectrum of view points broadcasted to the masses to create a more balanced picture of a concept or entity. In my mind, that broad soectrum of insights bring us closer to the truth ,which I often think is hiding somewhere in the middle of two opposing views

Ive never been cheated on to my knowledge but I see infidelity as something that is so common and played out now , that I have the mindset that no one is exempt from the possibility.

As a result, Im likely to skip the shock , denial and anger stage of grief and go straight to the grief and weeping if I discovered infidelity.

But ofcourse you never know how you will react until it happens to you

I think there are cases where the person who wants more doesnt always walk out Eric.Some carefully weigh the advantages and disadvantages of leaving and stay if one outweighs the other

I agree with everything you said cire tom. Its basically in the eyes of the beholders in other words.And yes . There are some that do want those things but reject it out of fear. But there ard others eho look around at the failing traditional relationships and make a consciencd decision to try something different and more feasible for them .

To be honest eric, I used to look at that as longterm dating, and I always assumed that there was an openess to dating other people in that arrangement. It never occurred to me that it could be an exclusive and committed arrangement for life until maybe a few months ago.

I think its more common for one person to be happy and the other person to want more though

Hi Smct2017

I understand that the marriage contract speaks to a formal commitment, but how dependable is that contract when we have so many examples of people cheating on their marriages, stealing from their spouses or even divorcing their spouses to be with someone else?

Many people , including myself have been conditioned to believe that the ultimate goal of a relationship is either marriage, and/or children or at least moving in together.

For those who dont want marriage , kids, or even to share a home, is there a next level to the relationship?

Do you think people can be perceived as having a committed relationship, if none of the above conditions exist ,but they love and support each other emotionally , physically etc?

In theory I could date several guys crystal as I wont be sleeping with them , but in reality it wouldnt be practical. For one thing , the optics of that situation dont work in my favor as a woman.It might be different in your country, but in my region, I really am not excited about being labelled the town slut ,as I am publicly sighted rotating groups of men every few months until I find the right match . No one will believe that Im not sleeping with any of them even when that would be the truth as I dont sleep around. And this brings me to another point that you also raised.Since each date will be expecting me to make out with him by the third date and I wont be doing that due to a lack of feelings for most of them, then that means terminating the dating interaction after every second or third date.
with each man. How exhausting! So no. With the value I place on intimacy , sex and my reputation, that brand of dating wont work well for me.

As for the other point you raised about commitment, Im slowly learning to be respectful of other people's perception of commitment even if Im strongly against it for myself.

I have a friend who has been in a relationship for 11 years and her bf seems to not want marriage, although she does. All her friends and associates who criticised his "lack of commitment to her over the years, are now divorced, separated or deeply unhappy compared to her and her bf who have no kids, dont even live together, but are deeply in love and supportive of each other professionally, socially, emotionally etc

Although I personally wouldnt want that situation for myself, their relationship has outlasted many couples and they love each other fiercely and unconditionally even if they dont live together. I consider their relationship committed and so do they. What do you think about theur arrangement?

Well I do think we are a commercial and political society . As life has been reduced to pwer and money, I can see how deception and manipulation can easily be woven into that tapestry in all walks of life

Oh yes. I agree!

That sounds great on paper Joe, but you and anyone else who has been in a relationship knows there are times for whatever reason that one or both people are not trying hard enough in an area that matters to the other person. I have actually had friends who told me that they walked out on their mate for a day in sheer frustration after asking for something repeatedly that was falling on deaf ears, and it's only after that extreme display , did the mates say they didn't realise how much their partner was being affected.

Im not advocating that anyone should walk out on a mate to resolve an issue. Im saying that actions often speak louder than words , and perhaps there is some appropriate action a person can adopt to convey a need more clearly when words repeatedly fail

Its only when you see the long list of mindgames listed here that you realise you might be guilty of one or two yourself mystical and I dont mean you but most of us.

But I also think Im too old yo practice or tolerate alot of those behaviors . Surely there is a more effective way of navigating thr dating scene as we get older

I wasnt able to open ip thr link you sent though. Its not available in my country

I agree its childish and I am guilty of having pratised it myself, usually after I requested a change from a mate several times and got tired of asking. So maybe I should seek your advice joe. What should a person do if they 've brought up an issue with a partner several times but nothing changes?

I agree with all the examples you gave SDCF. I actually do know of many females that do those things but just to be clear... I hear women also complain about the mind games they 've experienced from men so I know its not purely gender driven

Oh yeah! I hadnt thought sbout that one joe.

Like I said before, some of these examples are such common relationship practices that I hadnt perceived them as mindgames.

However I do think there are a few isolated cases when the silent treatment is a result of the person being so livid that they choose silence over saying something offensive .

But I agree that most silent treatment cases can be classified as a mindgame