This is an interesting thread. I can see points on each side.

I am not going to play the "my life was so stinkey" game because I think there will always be someone who has had it tougher and many who have had it easier.

I don't know why some people seem to draw better cards than others. I kind of think all the whineing about bad cards; especially here in the states, is pretty lame. Things are really bad for you there is at least survival help. It isn't pretty but it is more than about anywhere else. Sure plenty of people willing to come here and make the necessary sacrifices to pull themselves up by their boot straps.

Yes right now the world economy sucks. I think it might get worse before it gets better here and people need to stop wasteing. One thing I have learned about want is you suffer when you remember what you waste more than what you don't have. Most of us if we really tighten our belts can get through this.

What I have also learned from loss is there are very few things you can't live without. Or for that matter very few people. Those of you that think you can't leave where you are at to find work and a life elsewhere are making excuses. There are training programs and jobs but you have to want them more than you will when you have lost more of your comforts. Believe me you don't want to wait until you are homeless to get in gear.

Do some people get slipped bad cards? Yea if you are dumb enough to lay your hand down on the table and go to something you can't complain that someone looked at your cards. Trust is something that should be earned. And checked up on sometimes.

A good example is grown adults that try to blame their financial woes on their spouse knock me out. Nobody makes you hand over your paycheck or have a joint account or even allow someone to get a credit card in your name if you call the credit beaureas. They can't spend what they can't get their hands on. You don't have to lease something together or buy a house that will put you into bankruptcy if the relationship hits a bump.

I don't think all the bad cards some people get has to do with their choices. Sometimes stuff just happens. I don't know if it is all part of a master plan or just random. I do know as I look back over the things that have happen to me I have learned more from the things that were supposedly bad than most of the good. If you want to you can forget the pain. It isn't always easy but just because you don't wallow in the pain doesn't mean you didn't learn anything or are doomed to repeat it. Or that it didn't hurt like hell at the time. But you do choose how long you want to be a victim and when you become a survivor.

I personally find it offensive to say every guy thinks only with his pen-s anymore than women think only off how they can use their v-jay power. Most people don't think past their next meal or paycheck so saying people over all are that manipulative is just paranoid. The likelyhood that you are going to draw a real sociopath is rare. Most of the time when relationship sour it is a lot of little things that just add up. Poor communication skills, boredom, poor money management, the normal unrealistic expectations. A little problem festers and partners start compeating and pointing blame and the downward spiral begins. Yea then sometimes things get calculated but that is both sides.

If people think that they are right, and their partner was wrong, and don't improve their relationship skills the cycle can repeat it self until it is just too painful to do it anymore. It is kind of like the old thing of throwing away the baby in the bath water.

I dare say that you find someone with a series of failed relationships it is more about their problem than it is series of people. True there will definitely be similarities because people tend to have preferences and repeat being drawn to similiar personalities but the arguements will repeat because the constant variable is the problem. Until they are ready to change their patterns or improve their skills you will get the same result. Because the people who have chronic relationship failures tend to be very rigid and unyeilding about their beliefs and blame others change is rare.

Do we all have stereo typical expectations of our partners that are often unrealistic? Sure. Between all the conditioning we get to think otherwise it is still people who believe the "fairytale" that have the hardest time makeing relationships work. It is almost a recipe for failure.

Ok should people be cynical if they have repeated failure? I would hope to shout yes. If you keep getting kicked in the shins by someone who wears combat boots it is only realistic to be defensive. The trick is not to take it too extream. Find out if it is the combat boots or some other variable. Simple answers are rare. I think only noticeing one or two variables in failed relationships is kind of over kill. Not all men are alike and not all women are alike.

The other thing I kept seeing in the thread is that haveing a positive attitude will draw positive people and a negative attitude will draw negative. You can blow all the sunshine you want there are some people who are just bad no matter how nice you treat them and they tend to target nice people. But what I found on that deal is you just develope copeing skills and when the bad times come along you get through it. You don't put all your eggs in one basket. If you make one person in your life your all you are very vunerable.

Will having a positive attitude improve your life? Yea I think so. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly boo hooing how unfair life is. I hear someone dogging on an Ex I am not about to set myself up to be talked about that way. I know what I bring to the table but I don't know what they bring and I don't need that kind of fall out if things do go south. Someone who is hyper-sensitive, has to be right, always picking to pieces what your motives are is just too much work to be worth it. Someone who think things will work out and believes a solution is possible starts looking for it and solves their own problems usually before they get out of hand. They have fun and feel passion but life is not their personal soap-opra. They don't have a list of sins to recount about other people but they can tell you about fun times shared. It is pleasant to be around them. Positive people have had bad times they just don't ned to relive them over and over and drag everyone along for the misery.

I am sure I have missed some of the points and digressed but that is my thoughts on it for tonight......Sweet Dreams.

Grandma Hagatha's Tips For Daycare

Put super glue on the naughty chair.

Put up night curtains and tell the kids it is bed time after lunch.

Give the kids a bath with their clothes on and save on laundry.

Call meals on Wheels and say the grandparents came over instead of the grandkids.

Tell the kiddies you are going to play hide and seek then don't look for them.

Tell the kids the monster is under your bed; guarantee they will let you sleep late.

Tell them they can get up from their nap when the alarm goes off and don't set it.

Play surprise birthday and tell the kids to hide in the fake cake box.

Tell their parents you have the measles and you can't babysit until they are gone.

Tell the kiddies the TV is broken; they won't wan to come.

Tell the kiddies "Sure they can come over for supper your cooking turnips and brussel sprouts."

LOL This plan works well if the kids are small enough to lock in the ligour closet. JUST KIDDING!

The smart, helpful, hardworking/fun loving when needed, creative, affectionate mature woman you wish you'd married first and will be glad to get old with.

[I'm still at my job now I believe because I'm doing my own work-plus the services the company has let go
which include the cleaning people


Not sure if my home is being forclosed on yet...

this economy is a nail biter for sure.

Hang tight-we're all in the same boat


If you own a home and it is a FHA morgage you need to contact them immediately. They have free counselors that can rework your morgage to keep it from collasping.

If you are sure you are not going to hang on to it is essential not to wait for eviction to turn the house over. With so many houses going up some lenders will take over the house and sign a lease to rent it to you for a set period. The important thing is to avoid and eviction on your rental record because it makes it nearly impossible to rent again.

The essential thing is to add income to your budget. If you have to double up and get a room mate. Rent out a garage for storage. Convert a dining area to another bedroom. Start cooking at home or provideing daycare. Even provideing daycare at night. Babysitting seniors starts about $10/hour and is still cheaper than nurseing services. Reduce utilities by applying for discounted rates.

Ideas for non skilled workers

Everyone has skills you just have to apply the ones you have.

Community Colleges have programs called Displaced Homemakers. IT is for men or women who are the head of their own household and are unemployed. They do comprehensive evaluation, esteem building, and skills testing. Frequently they can find funds or schooling and help you with enrollment. The average age of a community college attendee is 36yrs old.

Division of Vocational Rehabilitation will help anyone with any time of disability that bars or in some cases prevents full employment. Not only do they pay for testing, schools, and needed tools but they provide a minimal living allowance.

Many Unions have free non-traditional employment programs. The pay can turn out to be outstanding.

Public School Districts and public hospitals have to open their job boards to any resident that lives in their service area. Cleaning school classrooms after hours actually pays pretty good money.

Senior caregivers are needed in almost every setting from people who clean house, cook, transport, or provide personal care in the home or institutions. Just buying groceries or clothing and household items can be very lucrative. Be watchful of signing "do not compeate" contracts. The really scummy ones will enforce it as well as the ones who offer higher end employment. Personally you can be a free agent and have more work than you can imagine.

Personal gardeners can make good money maintaining landscapeing or plant scapes in buildings; such as resturants, offices, treatment centers, and churches as well as private residences.

I have others.

Sorry you are going through so much. Put on the timer and let you have yourself a good cry. Then go take a bubblebath and get a good nights sleep. Camomile tea always helps me. Keep touching base. You have friends here who care about you. When you have rested we can talk about solving the day to day problems. (((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Yea what he said.^5

Great sex is not rocket science. I figure if a guy has to talk about it he probably isn't worth a hang doing it. Seemed to always work out that way. lol

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lol just had to mess with ya

LOL Yea I think every one does sooner or later. Great eyes usually get me too.

Superbowl is always a fun reason for a party even if you aren't huge into sports. Hope everyone had fun.

I sure HOPE that is photo shop. That kind of self abuse has costs that frequently later get passed on to the tax payers when the person starts incourring catestrophic medical expenses and disability.

Happy Birthday and many more.

You might want to think of a name that begins with A. If people are looking for daycare in any kind of directory you are at the top. I used Aaron James one time because it was easy to shorten to A.J.'s Daycare on signage and T-shirts. If it is easy to say it tends to stick in the mind.

If you pick a name that isn't your own when you get mail or phone calls addressed to that name rather than You; you know you are being solicited.

If your DayCare is any where but your home which is a good idea, since you don't want to loose your home if someone sues your business, or your home burns ect do to running a business in it which is NOT covered under your regular household insurance. You have to get a rider or as seperate policy besides a license. That is usually cheaper through a small business association or daycare givers association.

Also writeing copy for various newsletters and Newspapers about your new business, a grand opening (after one year), special event, or special interests to parents can get you free press. Some school and church directories are inexpensive.

Kinderhouse is what I called my day care years ago.

This would be a good day to just be extra nice to all the "little People" in your life. The people that do the mundane stuff we depend on all the time but sometimes overlook saying Thank you for.

Good for you Krupa...lol...now you will be your ole sweet self again..(HUGS)

If you include all your funny screen photo's it is a deal. What kind of gum?

It is said if you let someone talk long enough they will hang themselves. We can only hope!

Sorry about your situation.

If your wife is comfortable with the arrangement you have why don't you both sit down and write your own petition to the court and file it? That is basiclly very inexpensive. $Usually less than $100..

IF custody is not an issue; and not contested by the parent not living with the child, then it shouldn't be an issue. You are not having to prove the non-custodial parent unfit. Then the parent the child is resideing with is generally the one the courts assign. Usually equal shared custody is a given but if the parents involved can define that amicable and so state to the court that is how it goes.

Either parent can go back to court and ask a custody arrangement to be modified until it is a moot point by age of majority or emancipation but again it has to be in the best interest of the child.

A non-custodial parent can abdicate their rights if they so choose but it is not generally considered acceptable as best interest of the child if a potenial parent is not immediately available to adopt the child. An adoption of a step parent is most common and the state is usually required to do a home study and a back ground check on the potential new parent. A home study and adoption run about $500 - $1,500.

Can you document the time your child has been living with you? Can you document that he is doing well? His needs are met? He needs a guardian adlitem (His own attorney)to protect his interests but that doesn't have to be horrendously expensive if you do the leg work and provide the documents. Most states would want things like a certificate of occupancy of the residence. Documentation that the child has had a compleat physical $200 and mental assesment (Often can be provided by the family practioner and sometimes the school counselor and is current with vacinations. If he needs any medications they are being filled and administered. He has licensed day care. He is enrolled in school. That you are drug and disease free. That you have no criminal record prohibiting unsupervised custody. That you have or will file for the financial means required to support the child. Public Assistance is never held against either parent but refusal to get services would be if it were evident it was needed. Probably want documentation of your earning ability from past income tax statements from poth parents. If parents can agree on childsupport it is generally set up through a written agreement where it is documented by paying it in and recieveing it at child support enforcement. If you do all this leg work and take it to a family court officer it could be done relatively fast.

You can research the applicable statues and on line or at your county law library.

Personally before you complicate your situation I would get the seperation filed $50. and proceed on the divorce. Do EVERYONE a big favor and leave your new girlfriend out of these preparations or you are likely to have serious problems.