Damn we're all getting old this month. Happy birthday MM

wow I'm speechless, well....typeless. This is so cool. Thank you all and to the sexy scorpian that started this thread, (((((((SKPCG))))))) You are the best.

Put some curlers in your hair. Mornin Tanya

You think you have it bad? I live right on the beach so when I ask for a mutual match within a 250 mile radius I get 3 whales, a couple of sea turtles a grouper and a sword fish.

Thank you and god bless

At one point I thought I would have to but only because I was laughing so hard I thought I wAS going to piss myself

have fun

1. I want to see if the light really turns off when I close the refrigerator door.

2. I want to look up a nuns frock

3. I want to see how they put the "M's" on M&M's

4. I want to take back all of the stupid times I've thanked a police officer after he just handed me a speeding ticket.

5. I want unlimited credit and to be overdosing on Viagra while visiting the bunny ranch.

lol not true. Things like this happen to everyone I just have no shame. God I'm crying again.

So I made plans to meet a female friend for a few drinks Saturday night. Because she was going to work till 8pm she told me to go ahead and grab something to eat not to wait on her. I go to a local Mexican restaurant and load up on Beef and Shrimp fajita's with jalepenos and lots of refried beans and washed down with cold beer. I pick this girl up and she asks me to take her by her house so she can change cloths. Well that sounded like great news because about this time I had a gas pain that I felt all the way from my neck to my toes. We get to her house and I tell her I'll wait in the car. It's pouring down rain so as soon as she exits the car she takes off running. I let fly a fart that brought tears to my eyes. Disgusting I know. Then all of a sudden the passenger door fly's open and my friends mother jumps in the car. She's in her early 60's and I have known her for awhile. She needs a ride to the store. I knew it was just going to be a matter of time before she noticed what I had done but I didn't know it would be that fast. She said "so how are you" and then I see the smile leave her face and she says "you sick bastard. You need to go get your ass checked" Of course she makes me burst out laughing and when I do I simultaneously fart again! I swear it wasn't on purpose! Now she's raising hell and I couldn't stop laughing. Thank god the store was just across the street. When I got her home she runs in her house and my friend comes running out. When she jumps in she looks at me and says "I already heard, do you need to go change?" Oh my sides are killing me from laughing and yes the gas is finally gone. What a night.

Happy Birthday dear and just to let you know....your fonts don't look a day over 29!

amen lol

Happy Birthday !!!!

I was supposed to DJ a gig tonight. The occasion was to celebrate my birthday (it's next week) and a good friends birthday (hers was last week). The problem is that about 3 weeks ago this same woman who happens to be a nurse tried to commit suicide. She almost got away with it but one of her children discovered her, unconscious, and called an ambulance. She was in the hospital for a week. I attempted to call her a couple of times but only got her voice mail. Now this morning out of the clear blue she calls me and wants to make sure I'm still DJing our party tonight and then goes on about how excited she is. I told her I couldn't talk just now and I would call her later. Honestly I don't feel like it but I feel like this may be her way of seeing all of our friends (all have been extremely worried about her)and getting back into the swing of things. Its a cold rainy Friday and I had planned on going home and curling up on the couch with a good John Wayne movie and not going out at all. Hell I don't know what to do now.

10.95 Michelob Light

I blast enough music during the weekends. I listen to satalite radio (Howard Stern) in the mornings.

I know this should probably be in the funny story category but I got to share it here. I'm still laughing about what my buddy Tommy and Nelson got into on Wednesday night. They had been at our favorite watering hole having a few beers and decided to head back to Tommy's to shoot some pool. They stop at a convenience store for a 12 pack of beer. Tommy decides to top off his gas tank so when he walks back out he puts the 12 pack of beer on the cab of his truck and pumps the gas. He gets back in the truck to leave and before he drives off this older woman yells for them to stop. Tommy rolls down the window and the woman walks up to the truck and sticks her breasts in the window. Nelson tell Tommy "I think she wants you to play with them". Tommy reaches over and grabs her breasts! She jumps back and punches Tommy in his face and calls him an asshole and storms off. Tommy throws the truck into drive and turns to go out and all of a sudden seees the 12 pack of beer flying off the cab of the truck and crashing into the parking lot! That poor woman was just trying to get his beer for him! I am still laughing. Those 2 guys are like dumb and dumber I could listen to them all day.

I get these all the time so I have a file set up so I could save them. I have about 70 in the file dating back to 2005.