Damn Busted!

Me

Crown Royal Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
Lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda
4 large eggs
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of nuts
1 tsp salt
2 cups of dried fruit
1 cup of brown sugar
1 1/2 cups Crown Royal

1. Sample the Crown to check quality.

2. Take a large bowl, check the Crown again to be sure it is of
the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

3. Turn on the electric beater.

4. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

5. Add one teaspoon of sugar....

6. Beat again.
(At this point it's best to make sure the Crown is still okay.
Try another cup, just in case.)

7. Turn off the mixerer thingy.

8. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit.

9. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

10. Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,
just pry it loose with a drewscriver. (Sample the Crown for consistency.)

11. Next, sift two cups of salt, or whatever. Who giveshz a sheet.
(Check the Crown)

12. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

13. Greash the oven. Turn the cake 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

14. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Crown
and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS Myrtle Beach Dude (Danny)

Hi everyone and Merry Christmas. I hope Santa comes to your house and bends over and dumps all under your tree. Merry Christmas!

I miss all of you as well. Summer is about to wind down so I'll have a little more time to spend on here.

So I stop this morning to get some gas and it was still dark. I notice 2 guys standing off in the distance and as I start filling up I hear one of them say "Dude your truck needs washed" Then I hear the other say "He needs washed too" I had enough and started to approach them when all of a sudden I see flashing lights. They better be glad that damn school bus picked them up when it did! Thats ok I know what elementary school they go to! Be careful if you're traveling to the beach.

So there I was on the beach yesterday. Here comes a goddess wearing a yellow bikini. She gets closer I can see she has fake boobs (that's perfectly fine with me). A little closer I see she's not all the pretty. A little closer she's starting to look more like a dude. A little closer I notice the hillshire farm in the bikini bottoms. A little closer I hear him say to his male partner "the water looks rough" in a voice deeper than mine. Yep he was a full blown transistor!

Yes....to all the ladies....digital cameras will either make me look bigger or smaller....much smaller :(

I went to a steak house last night. I ordered a steak and extra veggies. I go to the salad bar and after I make my salad I turn around and run smack into a woman behind me spilling her salad. I apologized a thousand times. I go back to my table feeling pretty embarrassed and my food is there but instead of vegetables they sent me a baked potato. I rarely cause a scene so I decided to eat it anyway. After a few bites of my steak I hear a woman say "excuse me" I look up and it's the woman that I had just knocked the salad out of her hand. She said "that’s my food"...I was at the wrong table!! Believe it or not she found it funny and as she said "I've never seen that shade of red on someone's face before"

Not on here much people but when I do something that stupid ya know I gotta share it!

May I borrow a glass so I can soak my teeth please.

Opps I meant Alpha

I am an Alpo male myself!

I say.....You can't judge a person by their font.

I get the same reaction when women look at my face.

I have a tee shirt that says "Love Sucks but True Love Swallows" I think it's used way to much to take it as serious as it used to be.

I can send you a sex video starring me! Everyone else that has watched it has fallen asleep!

Divorcé

How cool would it be to live forever or until of course you get a stake pounded through your heart

Just remember what one lesbian vampire says to the other......"See ya next month" !!!

So last night I'm in Wal-Mart. My cart has some DVD's and some cans of soup and cans of orange juice. The last items I need is some fruit and some stuff to make a salad. I grab some lettuce, tomato's, peppers and some apples. I get to the automatic check out and I scan the lettuce, tomato's, peppers and apples. Then I see baby wipes? Vaseline? Can dog food? Damn I grabbed someone else’s cart. I pay for the fruit and vegetables and push the cart out of my way. I walk back over to where I grabbed the stuff and sure enough there is my shopping cart. I grab it and make my way towards the check out line like nothing had happened. Except there is a young Mexican man and a young Mexican woman standing there with arm loads of vegetables looking everywhere for their missing shopping cart! I was to embarrassed to tell them I was guilty of grand theft cart so I strolled on past. Damn I am stupid sometimes.

My my what big shoulders you have......... Welcome