I won't meet anyone, after only a day of chat.

If I'm curious, I'll ask if she has other pics.

Keep in mind that I am not trying to change your view on this.

The forum simply encourages different perspectives on things , which is why I will say the following.

You said that two people who are not weak, can resist cheating in any form right?

So my question is:-

How do you know that when you get involved with a person that they will be strong 10 years from now or even 40 years from now? How do you even know that about yourself? Don't most people think they are strong until suddenly they show signs that they are not?

I personally am challenging the basis of what people base the strength of their love, or their promises to the other person upon.

People make teary-eyed well- intentioned promises of fidelity for decades down the road , based on the love they are feeling IN THE MOMENT, and on the fact that their partner is for the most part pleasing them PRESENTLY, emotionally and otherwise.

But what about when your partner stops pleasing you for months or years at a time, or you stop doing it for them, as is the case with ALL long-term relationships, and you are juggling those failures along with stresses like miscarriages, deaths of loved ones, financial stresses, sickness etc.

What keeps a person committed when those pleasant feelings that the promises were based on are gone or subsided ?

The reason why I personally remained faithful in my 10 year relationship even when I was dissatisfied or unhappy, was because my fidelity to him was never based on whether his behaviour was desirable or not. We were human and were both falling short in some areas.

My commitment was based on a law that I try to live by, which is to treat others the way I wish to be treated , and my commitment was on working on a failing marriage, and if we couldnt succeed, we part respectfully and seek love elsewhere.

I didn't want to be cheated on ,and I know how vulnerable people are to the potential of it so I proactively created a climate in my life that wasn't conducive to affairs.

eg I didn't hang out one on one with guy friends unless my ex knew about it and even then it was in public places.

My ex knew of my whereabouts, all my male friends and my activities .

I am not saying people should conduct their relationships like me or that it will totally protect you from cheating but it helps to minimize that potential.

People take a lot of seemingly innocent chances that over time breed potential for danger and they are often not mindful of it because their focus is on everything, but their partner at that time for any number of reasons.


So to address your statement that if you don't take the drug then you don't get the addiction, just like the social drinker who over time increases his intake till it becomes problematic, there are insidious things that people do that OVER TIME in their relationships that are not wrong , but have danger attached to it, and sometimes they don't see it until disaster strikes.

And like I said before, if people base their fidelity on the good feelings they have for their partner in the moment they made a commitment to them, I don't think they stand a good chance of maintaining their fidelity in the long run.

Those feelings ebb and flow over the years. And what are people going to base their resolve for commitment on during the times of ebb?

Somehow I suspect a lot of guys would do that .

Men love a challenge.

But I wonder how the other women feel about their boundaries being challenged . Hmmmmmmm....

Men can't read our minds. If you don't mention this to him, he'll think you're fine with the way things are already going. If you feel nervous about telling him, write it down. Even try saying it different ways. Then pick out the one you feel would be least intimidating for you. If he doesn't know, he can't act on it. He needs to know ;)

Regardless of the reason why cheating happens , let us start being wise to the reality that no couple is immune to the possibility of infidelity no matter how strong they assume their love is.

This question is for the men mainly. But ofcourse the "womens " are welcome to weigh in as well.

Guys....

If a woman online is attracted to your spirit and energy in your profile , and she is interested in you as a friend BUT NOT in a romantic or sexual way, ...

Would you prefer it if she shoves her friendship intentions where the sun don't shine and leave you the hell alone?

OR...

Would you want her to still email you?

Wow...

Its rare to hear a man say something like that and it's admirable.

I dont think there is a wrong or right, or good or bad way for falling in love.

I think as with most things in life, it is about realistically understanding the costs involved , and deciding if it is worth it or not.

I think it is awesome to hear a man say that its worth it.