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Topic: Alone but not really lonely
Tom4Uhere's photo
Thu 11/23/17 10:53 PM
Empty Nest Syndrome
Went thru it a couple times with having a large family.
Took me awhile to get to the normal alone part of life.

Recently, the last few years, I have experienced alone in a new way.
See, in the past, I had always had someone in my routine.

My disability has locked me away and there is no longer any someones in my life.

My degree of alone is actual solitude.

There are times when it weighs heavily on my contentment but I have learned to let it pass and not worry about it.

For the most part, I barely notice that there is nobody in my life.
I keep myself occupied so I am never really just sitting around wishing I had someone to talk to.

My phone never rings and I have no numbers saved except my doctor.
I get no personal emails and my messenger is empty.

The only contact I have at this site is the scammers and y'all in the forums.

If I died right now, nobody would find me till the landlord comes to find out why I didn't pay rent, that could take up to 3 months.
My neighbors stay pretty much to themselves and seem to be always gone. Not even the stink of decay would be noticed, my place is sealed up and pretty new construction.

Alone, yeah but not really lonely.

no1phD's photo
Fri 11/24/17 03:15 AM
Well.. yes Tom you always have us.

To keep you company.... I know it's not much consolation.. but this place is a great way to kill some time... and feel connected to the world.. so yes !alone but not lonely

TxsGal3333's photo
Fri 11/24/17 05:12 AM
Edited by TxsGal3333 on Fri 11/24/17 05:13 AM
Being alone is not for everyone... Some can handle it where others can not... I know some that if a relationship ends they are not happy till they find another due to they can not deal with being alone...

Being alone does not mean one is lonely....

Myself I have been alone many years within the 26 years since my divorce... But then I'm one that enjoys my alone time... Sure it is nice to have someone to do things with or to be in a intimate relationship...

Even then I have known some that was lonely while with someone... At times you can be in a crowded room and feel alone... That to me just means your in the wrong place with the wrong people...

But one has to open their heart and take a chance for over thinking a situation only hinders who they may meet within time..

Those times I feel the need for contact from others I go out with friends or over to their house... and enjoy the company..

Sure it is not the same as a relationship but it does knock out that feeling of loneliness...If not that then I find a project around the house that needs done and boy do I have plenty of those..laugh

Heck at least living alone I can pick and choose what I want to do, what I want to buy and where I want to go and do...

As you can tell I'm not one that has to be in a relationship in order to satisfy my inner self. And being alone to me is not being lonely cause you can be alone within a crowd or with someone that don't understand you....

Humm or you could do what I did go buy yourself a motorcycle and enjoy the ride~~~bigsmile

MissyChe's photo
Fri 11/24/17 06:24 AM
I enjoy my own company :grin::grin::grin:

Tom4Uhere's photo
Fri 11/24/17 01:59 PM

Well.. yes Tom you always have us.

To keep you company.... I know it's not much consolation.. but this place is a great way to kill some time... and feel connected to the world.. so yes !alone but not lonely

Yes, I do...

My disability directly affects my social circle.
I'm not physically able to do many of the things I used to do to keep friendships.
That was a hard pill to swallow.

Then I realized just how many 'friends' were my friends for only their benefit.

While I am not handicapped, I am disabled.
I fight a daily battle with my health. Sometimes I am winning, other times I am losing. Its not a predictable or pattern of life that can be counted on.

Some days, I am feeling well enough to go do things, then the next day or two I am laid up. I go days and days without being able to even go outside, then I have days where I am able to do nearly anything I want.

Its that unpredictability that keeps me from being able to work or have a social life. There's not enough time on target to establish friendships.

It may sound like I am complaining but I'm really not.
Considering I have beaten my forecasted life expectancy of 2 years, I'm doing really well.

I would LOVE to be well enough to have a job. Not only would the extra money allow me to buy things I want, it would put me out in society on a regular basis that would allow me time on target to establish friendships again.

My solitude has allowed me to become the person I want to, have to be. I know I am weird but I like who I am so isn't that what should really matter?

I have no reason to lie or create a false persona because there is nothing riding on whether people like me or not. So, when I participate online, I participate as I am, not as I am expected.

Poetrywriter's photo
Fri 11/24/17 02:03 PM



Humm or you could do what I did go buy yourself a motorcycle and enjoy the ride~~~bigsmile


Nothing better than a road trip on a bike, huh?

TxsGal3333's photo
Sat 11/25/17 09:43 AM




Humm or you could do what I did go buy yourself a motorcycle and enjoy the ride~~~bigsmile


Nothing better than a road trip on a bike, huh?


Just got it so still getting use to it have not made a road trip yet, but it is in the near future for sure... bigsmile

no1phD's photo
Sat 11/25/17 09:57 AM





Humm or you could do what I did go buy yourself a motorcycle and enjoy the ride~~~bigsmile


Nothing better than a road trip on a bike, huh?


Just got it so still getting use to it have not made a road trip yet, but it is in the near future for sure... bigsmile
.. nice bike when you going to take the training wheels off..Lol.wink. just kidding..Wink. it's a beautiful machine be safe..

TxsGal3333's photo
Sat 11/25/17 11:14 AM






Humm or you could do what I did go buy yourself a motorcycle and enjoy the ride~~~bigsmile


Nothing better than a road trip on a bike, huh?


Just got it so still getting use to it have not made a road trip yet, but it is in the near future for sure... bigsmile
.. nice bike when you going to take the training wheels off..Lol.wink. just kidding..Wink. it's a beautiful machine be safe..



Humm you have heard that as we get older we regress to our youth?? laugh laugh laugh laugh I'm at the stage of needing training wheels againlaugh drinker rofl rofl rofl

no photo
Sat 11/25/17 11:32 AM


Sits in the corner and smiles ...I have some new mouse traps to cheer you up :wink: waving
..awww thanks but I don't think mouse traps are going to cheer me up this time... I need something a little more drastic... maybe a amputation of a certain appendage... sometimes one head is better than two..lol


maybe just pay attention to the head with a brain & ignore the other one!laugh

Crystle's photo
Sat 11/25/17 01:06 PM
Now that I’m single and living alone I do get lonely sometimes. But now that I’ve had some distance I think it’s better to be alone and lonely from time to time then be with someone and lonely all the time. My ex checked out of the relationship at least 8 months before the actual split taught me the real meaning of “alienation of affection”. So when I have the bad days I just remind myself of all the great things I have rediscovered about being alone. Supper is when ever I want...bed time is when ever I want...my dog sleeps with me now....I no longer have to fake interest in the NFL....and most importantly Cocktail hour is when ever to hell I want it to be :blush:

Snoman1951's photo
Sat 11/25/17 02:12 PM
Gettin' to be an old hand at in and out. I hate to say it but, I do better alone.happy

Crystle's photo
Sun 11/26/17 08:54 PM

Loneliness is a funny thing ..it's mostly in your mind I guess.. it's funny how you can be in a relationship.. and not see the other person everyday.. but feel connected to them somehow.. so when you're alone you really don't feel alone.. but when you lose that person for whatever reason.. that's when you feel being alone the most.. that's when you feel actually .. lonely and all alone..

Even your day to day. Normal routine seems even lonelier than usual
... once you find yourself alone with yourself again.... eating dinner watching TV just seems crushingly lonely.. once you're out of that relationship..
Oddly enough nothing's really changed you're still eating and still watching the same show
.. but somehow now it's not the same..
.. even going to the grocery store.. now takes on a whole new meaning... when you're in a relationship ..your just grocery shopping ..maybe for things, to make your partner for dinner.. but now you're just grocery shopping for yourself... funny how before the relationship.. grocery shopping for yourself seemed perfectly normal...

Hard to get back to that perfectly normal..
It's funny how our mind tricks us... alone but not really lonely
..
look up at the sky, see that one perfect star? That’s you..see the next one? That’s the one making its way to you...hold tight the two will meet :heart:

Toodygirl5's photo
Mon 12/11/17 03:44 PM
Dating in person is not alone. Online friends you are alone!

Narlycarnk's photo
Mon 12/11/17 06:22 PM
Painfully enough I have cured loneliness with loneliness in myself before. On the weekend, if I consider the past week lonely, I put my phone on airplane mode and go for a 45 minute walk in the woods, and focus on and experience being alone. It gets the rhythm right, like breathing deeply, with flow of oxygen. Being alone is important, but it does not take long. Then I engaged with community.

There is probably a better way, but it definitely worked for me in my situation. I was a bit looped.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Tue 12/12/17 12:47 AM
Almost been a month for me now since he broke up with me. It indeed sux to have those feelings and memories of how you used to do this that and the other together. How we were in the supermarket, had a laugh about this, how we went there and had fun and so on.
Now having to go to the same supermarket on my own again. Driving past other places with memories that were great, but now are painful.

I try not to dwell there, too painful and not helpful. If you go down that road, you're in for one hell of a miserable ride. Difficult, but it does help to look at your own things in life and the future a bit more.
Not being home indeed doesn't help. You sometimes gotta simply be miserable.

I am leaning towards acceptance and letting go now. Went through anger last week, which was the worst part of it all so far because anger drags up the loss yet again.

I think it's esp painful when you're sensitive. I am very sensitive, you being Cancer likely are too. Then you try to latch on to memories and often even to the pain.
I succeeded reasonable well this time to not go there, but dang, is it difficult.

I really thought I'd gotten it right this time, found the right one, the keeper. But having this happen doesn't make me feel like settling for less. It makes me even more adamant to pay more heed in the future that he doesn't check 99% of the boxes, but 100%.
I even added a few after this experience, haha.

Good luck, No 1. You'll get there as well.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Tue 12/12/17 12:59 AM


No wonder you are unhappy with the women whom you date!!
A great woman chooses the time and place and it is not on the first date
It is when it will mean something to both of you.
Goodness, get to know each other beforehand. Going to shower and work.
Take care x
.. I didn't say that's the practice that I believe in ..... and besides sex is sex doesn't matter if you wait a day a week or a month.. giving yourself to somebody.. is a form of togetherness.. not a declaration of commitment.. I could wait a month for you to have sex with me.. and then 2 weeks later we can break up...

I like how you say this :) Most women still don't seem to know that this is how it works for a man, because for us women sex does make you bond.
It can work that way for a man too, but not by making him wait for it.

apollo50's photo
Tue 12/26/17 08:36 PM
Hi. Being alone and feeling alone is loaded with irony. I enjoy being alone,when I am alone. I dislike feeling alone when I'm in a group of people, who would rather be alone.
I enjoy feeling alone when I'm standing in front of 5000 screaming football fans, announcing my penalty on their team. I do not hear or see any of them, because I'm so focused. I dislike not feeling alone when I am not alone, alone in my own backyard after the game.
Take care

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