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| Topic: Putting the pieces of your life back together | |
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After a breakup or divorce. Or loss of job you can sometimes feel as though you have lost your identity... your purpose for being...
.. we often attach are identity.. (Who We Are) . To our relationships are even our career.. I have children I'm a father or a mother. That's my identity that's my purpose I am somebody's partner somebody's lover. That gives me an identity that gives me purpose We do the same thing with jobs.. I'm electrician that's my purpose my identity.... We do this so often that we forget sometimes who we really are... Especially if you lose any of the above-mentioned job, relationship..kids You may find yourself wondering who you are!. when you no longer have these things in your life.... who am I ?what's my purpose? If I'm no longer an electrician or if I'm no longer in a relationship if I'm no longer a mother or father.. it can be disturbing! Earth shatteringa.. to come face-to-face with the reality ..That you no longer Know Who You Are... or your purpose in life is no longer there.... I remember when I first left my marriage.. The first time I went to the grocery store and found myself, buying the same things in bulk that I used to when I was feeding a family of four. even though I no longer needed things in bulk... I found myself missing some of the old routines picking the kids up dropping them off.... running errands together as a couple.. Household chores even.. those things that used to give my life meaning.. gave me an identity or purpose... but now you are faced with reality... that you have to find out who you are what interest you.. what do you like or don't like.... what motivates you... It's A Brave New World.. going it alone.. rediscovering Who You Are... . Finding meaning a purpose your identity... starting over... . any helpful advice?.. little antidotes?.. have you yourself struggled to find your identity.. and how did you manage.. |
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You may find yourself wondering who you are! aint happened yet , all ways someone around to tell me where to go or what they think about me : ) |
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Sometimes life throws you a curve ball huhh? Things we thought were forever and then something smacks you into reality. First thing is get up get dressed and get on with it. One day at a time move on to the next chapter.
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Yep! Been there, done that!
You just have to pick yourself up by the scruff of the neck, give yourself a kick in the butt and move on/get on with life. |
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Hmm. Well, now that you mention it, although I have known a couple of people who suffered identity struggles, I've never had that experience myself.
I don't think it has anything to do with my being tough or anything affirmative like that. More that I just never thought of myself in "identity" terms. When my marriage finally ground tom an end, I was depressed and exhausted, not "lost for my sense of place." |
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Edited by
Riverspirit1111
on
Fri 02/08/19 04:19 AM
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I can identify with what you're saying No1.
About a year and a half ago I was displaced from my home and job in the Florida Keys when hurricane Irma hit. In a way it was like a blessing in disguise because my life down there was pretty non-existent. I felt stuck in a family (with a sibling and her children) that was very to toxic me. The natural disaster basically forced me to take a look at myself, my life, who I was, and where I belonged. I set out a little over a year ago to explore that through seasonal work and travel. At first it was an adventure, a few months ago the reality of being homeless and feeling alone in the world set in. Everything I thought I knew and was was gone and all I felt was a huge void that longed to be filled. I questioned my ability to stand on my own, even though I had been doing it for the past year. I found myself wanting to return to my family home in the Keys and return to my old job since it had been rebuilt. My life could go back to normal again... if not for a friend reminding me that to go back would be suicide, much like returning to a terrorist camp that held you captive for years, I might have went back. It's not easy starting over. The feeling of wanting to return to what was lingers inside and at times can be overwhelming. In my case it would be detrimental to my well being so for me it's not wise, so I am choosing not to return. So now what? I still feel at times I'm left with a huge void that longs to be filled. Only difference today is that I have a choice. I can continue to live in the past and long for what was or I can move forward and embrace what's to come. All that I am is because of my life experiences. In reality nothing is really gone, there is no void. Those experiences, both good and bad, are still there inside me. The imagined void is filled with courage, strength, and wisdom... I just failed to recognize that, until now. Moving forward takes faith. Faith in oneself that even though the external environment changes, we have what is necessary inside of us to adapt to the changes.... to embrace to new doesn't mean losing those things we hold dear. We can still hold dear those memories and have the ability to create new memories as we move forward in life. I'm not sure what kind of advice I can give you No1... maybe simply to just have a little faith! Best wishes to you and thank you for your post.  Edited for typos |
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Sometimes life throws you a curve ball huhh? Things we thought were forever and then something smacks you into reality. First thing is get up get dressed and get on with it. One day at a time move on to the next chapter. I hereby sign this. Muchas gracias 
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Hi, Great post I am completely understand and right there with you. I am experiencing a similar situation at this time in my life. Thank you for sharing.
Melissa |
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After a breakup or divorce. Or loss of job you can sometimes feel as though you have lost your identity... your purpose for being... .. we often attach are identity.. (Who We Are) . To our relationships are even our career.. I have children I'm a father or a mother. That's my identity that's my purpose I am somebody's partner somebody's lover. That gives me an identity that gives me purpose We do the same thing with jobs.. I'm electrician that's my purpose my identity.... We do this so often that we forget sometimes who we really are... Especially if you lose any of the above-mentioned job, relationship..kids You may find yourself wondering who you are!. when you no longer have these things in your life.... who am I ?what's my purpose? If I'm no longer an electrician or if I'm no longer in a relationship if I'm no longer a mother or father.. it can be disturbing! Earth shatteringa.. to come face-to-face with the reality ..That you no longer Know Who You Are... or your purpose in life is no longer there.... I remember when I first left my marriage.. The first time I went to the grocery store and found myself, buying the same things in bulk that I used to when I was feeding a family of four. even though I no longer needed things in bulk... I found myself missing some of the old routines picking the kids up dropping them off.... running errands together as a couple.. Household chores even.. those things that used to give my life meaning.. gave me an identity or purpose... but now you are faced with reality... that you have to find out who you are what interest you.. what do you like or don't like.... what motivates you... It's A Brave New World.. going it alone.. rediscovering Who You Are... . Finding meaning a purpose your identity... starting over... . any helpful advice?.. little antidotes?.. have you yourself struggled to find your identity.. and how did you manage.. Hi friend. I agree with you. You may identify yourself with playing a part in these specific roles ie: husband, Father, son, provider etc but they do not necessarily make you who you are. Roles can and do change and you [the real you] should stay the same unless you allow those changes to affect you in a negative way. If you are a kind, loving, honest, empathetic, caring, genuine person, then that is who you are. The only things that have changed is your role and the reponsibilities that came with that role. This can be an exciting time for you to explore your newly found singleness. Find out what you like and don't like. Decide on a new direction/path to take and by all means, take your time when deciding on a special someone in your life. |
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My identity crisis changed me into someone different than I once was.
I wouldn't go back to that person even if I could. |
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I feel the same as Tom. I became a much better person, more compassionate, gentler , kinder etc. |
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Is this still about your ex wife? If nothing has changed in that matter in the 5, 6 years you've been here... maybe accept that this is what it is.
In essence everything is a matter of the "glass is half-full vs. half empty". Same with losing roles in life. It can also be incredibly liberating. There's this meditation thing where you aim for that, the "I Am" meditation. You basically momentarily put aside all the roles you play, parent, child, partner, friend, colleague and so on, and even the association with your name, which is also related to roles. You only stick to "I Am". It takes some practice, but if you succeed, it is a heaven feeling. So liberating, total freedom. An identity crisis of sorts... many people have those, it's also called the dark night of the soul in spiritual circles. It's okay to have that, you come out changed, stronger, a more empowered version of you. But if you don't come out, remain stuck, it might be good to seek some help. Not sure if a breakup equals an identity crisis? I'm 'recovering' from my last relationship, but not really having an identity crisis. It is a MF of a breakup to get over, the worst I've ever had to be honest. And yes, it affects me. But no identity crisis. Oddly enough the breakup even gave me a lot of drive to manifest my dreams in life, so a lot of positivity right through very deep pain. |
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To see thru the eyes of the child you once were.
I put a lot of stuff on my identity for many different reasons. I was husband, father, mechanic, friend, owner of muscle cars, you name it. No matter which entity I thought I was I was still that child looking thru these eyes. I placed value on the entities I portrayed and thought they were me and I found out it was all a delusion. I am who I am no matter the role I play. Its always me looking out from behind my eyes. I have more wisdom than I did when I was a child but its still me in here. I play different roles now. What I try to remember is that no matter what role I am in, no matter what I have or who loves me, its always me in here where it counts. I stopped looking 'without' for things I already have 'within'. |
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River - I have seen you on other threads, but had no idea of what you have been through. Good for you, making good things happen after a natural disaster. I've been through much also, but also have moved forward. I just want to tell you how brave you are, and very interesting and attractive also. No1 -- i must say all you need to do is read River's story and know that life moves on. "We" cannot stay stuck i the past or we would go crazy. You need to stop worrying so much and look forward, not backward. Good Luck in moving forward and stop doubting yourself.
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Mon 02/11/19 07:58 PM
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Life experience has made me who I am. Moving forward and proud of myself.
The journey has been amazing, no looking back. Life is a gift and enjoying Every day! Hoping you to find. Your way !: |
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After a breakup or divorce. Or loss of job you can sometimes feel as though you have lost your identity... your purpose for being... .. we often attach are identity.. (Who We Are) . To our relationships are even our career.. I have children I'm a father or a mother. That's my identity that's my purpose I am somebody's partner somebody's lover. That gives me an identity that gives me purpose We do the same thing with jobs.. I'm electrician that's my purpose my identity.... We do this so often that we forget sometimes who we really are... Especially if you lose any of the above-mentioned job, relationship..kids You may find yourself wondering who you are!. when you no longer have these things in your life.... who am I ?what's my purpose? If I'm no longer an electrician or if I'm no longer in a relationship if I'm no longer a mother or father.. it can be disturbing! Earth shatteringa.. to come face-to-face with the reality ..That you no longer Know Who You Are... or your purpose in life is no longer there.... I remember when I first left my marriage.. The first time I went to the grocery store and found myself, buying the same things in bulk that I used to when I was feeding a family of four. even though I no longer needed things in bulk... I found myself missing some of the old routines picking the kids up dropping them off.... running errands together as a couple.. Household chores even.. those things that used to give my life meaning.. gave me an identity or purpose... but now you are faced with reality... that you have to find out who you are what interest you.. what do you like or don't like.... what motivates you... It's A Brave New World.. going it alone.. rediscovering Who You Are... . Finding meaning a purpose your identity... starting over... . any helpful advice?.. little antidotes?.. have you yourself struggled to find your identity.. and how did you manage.. any perceived or actual loss involves grief and change. .. it is a challenging path to follow .. one that undoubtedly affects self esteem and how we see ourselves (identity) and our place in the world .. it is however a natural ( and in many cases ) protective response to stress /distress .. through healthy adaptation the individual goal of "self actualisation" continues . .. I think if you start playing with mousetraps again .. you will find your missing identity    |
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And you may find yourself
Living in a shotgun shack And you may find yourself In another part of the world And you may find yourself Behind the wheel of a large automobile And you may find yourself in a beautiful house With a beautiful wife And you may ask yourself, well How did I get here? Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground And you may ask yourself How do I work this? And you may ask yourself Where is that large automobile? And you may tell yourself This is not my beautiful house! And you may tell yourself This is not my beautiful wife! Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Water dissolving and water removing There is water at the bottom of the ocean Under the water, carry the water Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean! Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again in the silent water Under the rocks, and stones there is water underground Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground And you may ask yourself What is that beautiful house? And you may ask yourself Where does that highway go to? And you may ask yourself Am I right? Am I wrong? And you may say yourself, "My God! What have I done?" Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again in to the silent water Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Look where my hand was Time isn't holding up Time isn't after us Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Letting the days go by (same as it ever was) Letting the days go by (same as it ever was) Once in a lifetime Letting the days go by Letting the days go by Talking Heads "Once in a Lifetime" |
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River - I have seen you on other threads, but had no idea of what you have been through. Good for you, making good things happen after a natural disaster. I've been through much also, but also have moved forward. I just want to tell you how brave you are, and very interesting and attractive also. No1 -- i must say all you need to do is read River's story and know that life moves on. "We" cannot stay stuck i the past or we would go crazy. You need to stop worrying so much and look forward, not backward. Good Luck in moving forward and stop doubting yourself. Thank you Nature Lover
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And you may find yourself Living in a shotgun shack And you may find yourself In another part of the world And you may find yourself Behind the wheel of a large automobile And you may find yourself in a beautiful house With a beautiful wife And you may ask yourself, well How did I get here? Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground And you may ask yourself How do I work this? And you may ask yourself Where is that large automobile? And you may tell yourself This is not my beautiful house! And you may tell yourself This is not my beautiful wife! Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Water dissolving and water removing There is water at the bottom of the ocean Under the water, carry the water Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean! Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again in the silent water Under the rocks, and stones there is water underground Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground And you may ask yourself What is that beautiful house? And you may ask yourself Where does that highway go to? And you may ask yourself Am I right? Am I wrong? And you may say yourself, "My God! What have I done?" Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again in to the silent water Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down Letting the days go by, water flowing underground Into the blue again after the money's gone Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Look where my hand was Time isn't holding up Time isn't after us Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Same as it ever was Letting the days go by (same as it ever was) Letting the days go by (same as it ever was) Once in a lifetime Letting the days go by Letting the days go by Talking Heads "Once in a Lifetime" great song ... have not heard anything about them ... kinda like this was their last song ,,,  I guess you can say ...a day can be your... Once in a Lifetime ... becouse it can be ... if u look at it that way ... |
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Edited by
mysticalview21
on
Wed 02/20/19 09:28 AM
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After a breakup or divorce. Or loss of job you can sometimes feel as though you have lost your identity... your purpose for being... .. we often attach are identity.. (Who We Are) . To our relationships are even our career.. I have children I'm a father or a mother. That's my identity that's my purpose I am somebody's partner somebody's lover. That gives me an identity that gives me purpose We do the same thing with jobs.. I'm electrician that's my purpose my identity.... We do this so often that we forget sometimes who we really are... Especially if you lose any of the above-mentioned job, relationship..kids You may find yourself wondering who you are!. when you no longer have these things in your life.... who am I ?what's my purpose? If I'm no longer an electrician or if I'm no longer in a relationship if I'm no longer a mother or father.. it can be disturbing! Earth shatteringa.. to come face-to-face with the reality ..That you no longer Know Who You Are... or your purpose in life is no longer there.... I remember when I first left my marriage.. The first time I went to the grocery store and found myself, buying the same things in bulk that I used to when I was feeding a family of four. even though I no longer needed things in bulk... I found myself missing some of the old routines picking the kids up dropping them off.... running errands together as a couple.. Household chores even.. those things that used to give my life meaning.. gave me an identity or purpose... but now you are faced with reality... that you have to find out who you are what interest you.. what do you like or don't like.... what motivates you... It's A Brave New World.. going it alone.. rediscovering Who You Are... . Finding meaning a purpose your identity... starting over... . any helpful advice?.. little antidotes?.. have you yourself struggled to find your identity.. and how did you manage.. sometimes I feel lost but you have to say you are and where all those things ... as they say own it ... is your life ... things can never be the same ... you have lived that part of yourself ... guess at some point you have to except that ... Right ? or not... as they say to :>) you may feel you are stuck right now ... but reality you are not :>) you said something positive in the past ... I tried to remember what it was ... something about new yrs every day... like a what would you do ... can't remember but remember it was a good saying to self :>) |
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