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Topic: Marriage or Cohabitation?
Duttoneer's photo
Fri 10/01/21 02:19 AM
It seems many of the younger generation 18 to 30 are choosing living together over marriage, maybe some of these couples have set a date and will marry later on, some will not have, and they may never marry each other.

Do you think the 21st century way relationships will go for the majority is cohabitation without a marriage commitment? Is cohabitation commitment enough in a relationship?

Bastet127's photo
Fri 10/01/21 04:23 AM
Is marriage really more of a commitment? Maybe because of “law”, but I doubt it as far as love goes. People fall in and out of love regardless. I get that society looks at a marriage commitment with more permanency, but there’s a generation that grew up with the highest divorce rates and leaves them feeling that marriage is the means to the end. I don’t begrudge them that.

Dramatic Muffin's photo
Fri 10/01/21 05:34 AM
Edited by Dramatic Muffin on Fri 10/01/21 05:34 AM
What I'm seeing from my own three daughters (in their 20s) is that they have no desire to get married, possibly ever. They don't want children, either. Things have changed a lot since we were younger.

I think the trend you mentioned in your OP is becoming more common with people of all ages. Two of my sisters (one is 47, one is 50) are divorced and have been with new partners for many years (one 7 years, one 17 years). Neither of them have any plans to ever get married to their current partners. The don't see a need to.

Some of us do still believe in marriage though. It's definitely not a goal for me, but with the right person I totally would.

Bastet127's photo
Fri 10/01/21 05:55 AM
Edited by Bastet127 on Fri 10/01/21 05:56 AM

What I'm seeing from my own three daughters (in their 20s) is that they have no desire to get married, possibly ever. They don't want children, either. Things have changed a lot since we were younger.

I think the trend you mentioned in your OP is becoming more common with people of all ages. Two of my sisters (one is 47, one is 50) are divorced and have been with new partners for many years (one 7 years, one 17 years). Neither of them have any plans to ever get married to their current partners. The don't see a need to.

Some of us do still believe in marriage though. It's definitely not a goal for me, but with the right person I totally would.


My son, also in his 20’s, feels the same as your daughters. He and my daughter-in-love, have lived together for years and now have a child together, my little ray of sunshine. He makes me beam!!

Dont we, at the time, marry the right person? It’s more “the right now right person”.

Slim gym 's photo
Fri 10/01/21 06:01 AM
Living together ... apart , is my go to relationship, right now .... but could be upgraded to co - inhabitants, if the logistics can be worked out..... and that's a big ... IF...

bobtail76's photo
Fri 10/01/21 06:16 AM

Is marriage really more of a commitment? Maybe because of “law”, but I doubt it as far as love goes. People fall in and out of love regardless. I get that society looks at a marriage commitment with more permanency, but there’s a generation that grew up with the highest divorce rates and leaves them feeling that marriage is the means to the end. I don’t begrudge them that.



I completely agree.

I will also add that; for men, divorce is incentivized for women with current laws. There is no advantage for men to marry.

Marriage is still a good institution for couples with children, but I feel there has been as societal shift in women where they care more about themselves, than about their family - which is why they initiate 70% of divorce. That stat right there should be motivation to not marry. 50% of marriages end in divorce, which is the other scary statistic.

I don't remember which comedian said it but it went something like " would you jump out of a plane if you knew only 50% of the parachutes were packed" It's funny because it's true - marriage is your life.

Tom4Uhere's photo
Fri 10/01/21 07:32 AM
Neither
Our time apart keeps our relationship strong.
Why mess with a good thing?

Duttoneer's photo
Fri 10/01/21 07:50 AM

My Grandson aged 20 lives with his girlfriend aged 21, and they are now expecting their first child, no marriage on the horizon at the moment, seems to be cohabitation is the way with the younger generation, as many people have told me.

Maybe it's my religious upbringing, although I don't attend church much these days, but I believe marriage to be a very big commitment, and were I ever to be in love with someone again, enough to want to live together, then I would want to marry them as well. Perhaps as many have said here, that fewer people of all ages will want marriage in the future for many reasons, certainly those of us previously divorced may be more reluctant to marry again, and prefer cohabitation.

Thanks for all your replies.

moomin's photo
Fri 10/01/21 08:08 AM
I know many people that have been together over 20 years but no plans of marrying ,
I don’t think you have to be married to be happy in a relationship . And I don’t think it’s just this generation that going for just co habitation either

Mr Good Guy's photo
Fri 10/01/21 08:17 AM


Is marriage really more of a commitment? Maybe because of “law”, but I doubt it as far as love goes. People fall in and out of love regardless. I get that society looks at a marriage commitment with more permanency, but there’s a generation that grew up with the highest divorce rates and leaves them feeling that marriage is the means to the end. I don’t begrudge them that.



I completely agree.

I will also add that; for men, divorce is incentivized for women with current laws. There is no advantage for men to marry.

Marriage is still a good institution for couples with children, but I feel there has been as societal shift in women where they care more about themselves, than about their family - which is why they initiate 70% of divorce. That stat right there should be motivation to not marry. 50% of marriages end in divorce, which is the other scary statistic.

I don't remember which comedian said it but it went something like " would you jump out of a plane if you knew only 50% of the parachutes were packed" It's funny because it's true - marriage is your life.

Nailed it. Especially the "divorced is incentivized for women with current laws" part. I'm surprised any man would choose to marry.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Fri 10/01/21 08:28 AM
The way you shape your relationship doesn't say anything about level of commitment.
Legal marriage makes certain things easier, like when one passes away, children automatically getting the name of the man if you want etc.

But you can also arrange all these things when you don't want to get married but live together.

My daughter has been married in the US to an American. She didn't feel like doing it again. But she and her current partner chose registered partnership which is pretty much the same as marriage, just cheaper and also easier/faster/cheaper to split up if need be.
Although divorcing is pretty fast over here.
It was mostly because they bought a house and to cover each other financially if one would pass away. Otherwise the surviving partner would have to sell the house.

I have no idea how my son feels about it.

I myself would want to get married, but only if the connection and relationship is totally amazing. Not because it's 'the done thing' as I don't really care about that, and to be honest is obsolete.

no photo
Fri 10/01/21 03:22 PM
Co-habitation isn't an option for me....it's marriage or nothing, and so far....it's been nothing!

Mr Good Guy's photo
Fri 10/01/21 04:12 PM


Is marriage really more of a commitment? Maybe because of “law”, but I doubt it as far as love goes. People fall in and out of love regardless. I get that society looks at a marriage commitment with more permanency, but there’s a generation that grew up with the highest divorce rates and leaves them feeling that marriage is the means to the end. I don’t begrudge them that.



I completely agree.

I will also add that; for men, divorce is incentivized for women with current laws. There is no advantage for men to marry.

Marriage is still a good institution for couples with children, but I feel there has been as societal shift in women where they care more about themselves, than about their family - which is why they initiate 70% of divorce. That stat right there should be motivation to not marry. 50% of marriages end in divorce, which is the other scary statistic.

I don't remember which comedian said it but it went something like " would you jump out of a plane if you knew only 50% of the parachutes were packed" It's funny because it's true - marriage is your life.

Mr Good Guy's photo
Fri 10/01/21 04:15 PM


Is marriage really more of a commitment? Maybe because of “law”, but I doubt it as far as love goes. People fall in and out of love regardless. I get that society looks at a marriage commitment with more permanency, but there’s a generation that grew up with the highest divorce rates and leaves them feeling that marriage is the means to the end. I don’t begrudge them that.



I completely agree.

I will also add that; for men, divorce is incentivized for women with current laws. There is no advantage for men to marry.

Marriage is still a good institution for couples with children, but I feel there has been as societal shift in women where they care more about themselves, than about their family - which is why they initiate 70% of divorce. That stat right there should be motivation to not marry. 50% of marriages end in divorce, which is the other scary statistic.

I don't remember which comedian said it but it went something like " would you jump out of a plane if you knew only 50% of the parachutes were packed" It's funny because it's true - marriage is your life.

It was Bill Burr, comedian, that did the bit about female privilege and the parachute analogy. I'll try to post it here but am not quite sure how to do it but here goes anyway: https://youtu.be/Tt4A8rEi7Ug It's a link to his youtube comedic bit above

no photo
Fri 10/01/21 04:29 PM



Is marriage really more of a commitment? Maybe because of “law”, but I doubt it as far as love goes. People fall in and out of love regardless. I get that society looks at a marriage commitment with more permanency, but there’s a generation that grew up with the highest divorce rates and leaves them feeling that marriage is the means to the end. I don’t begrudge them that.



I completely agree.

I will also add that; for men, divorce is incentivized for women with current laws. There is no advantage for men to marry.

Marriage is still a good institution for couples with children, but I feel there has been as societal shift in women where they care more about themselves, than about their family - which is why they initiate 70% of divorce. That stat right there should be motivation to not marry. 50% of marriages end in divorce, which is the other scary statistic.

I don't remember which comedian said it but it went something like " would you jump out of a plane if you knew only 50% of the parachutes were packed" It's funny because it's true - marriage is your life.

Nailed it. Especially the "divorced is incentivized for women with current laws" part. I'm surprised any man would choose to marry.
would be interested to hear why you think divorce is incentivised for women pitchfork tongue2

bobtail76's photo
Fri 10/01/21 05:00 PM
You mean you can't see the obvious?

When divorce courts were first designed, they took into account that in the event of a divorce - the woman would be royally screwed, beings that she contributed her life to her family. They had no source of income.

Society changed, women changed, yet the court hasn't changed. The protections for women needed back then are now assets in a divorce.

no photo
Fri 10/01/21 05:27 PM

You mean you can't see the obvious?

When divorce courts were first designed, they took into account that in the event of a divorce - the woman would be royally screwed, beings that she contributed her life to her family. They had no source of income.

Society changed, women changed, yet the court hasn't changed. The protections for women needed back then are now assets in a divorce.
society has changed .. divorce highlighted inequalities and vulnerabilities especially for women , who may not have contributed financially to a marriage but their contribution deserves to be recognised , as does the impact of divorce on children and caring for their future . modern day women are just as likely to own assets and contribute financially waving


bobtail76's photo
Fri 10/01/21 05:30 PM


You mean you can't see the obvious?

When divorce courts were first designed, they took into account that in the event of a divorce - the woman would be royally screwed, beings that she contributed her life to her family. They had no source of income.

Society changed, women changed, yet the court hasn't changed. The protections for women needed back then are now assets in a divorce.
society has changed .. divorce highlighted inequalities and vulnerabilities especially for women , who may not have contributed financially to a marriage but their contribution deserves to be recognised , as does the impact of divorce on children and caring for their future . modern day women are just as likely to own assets and contribute financially waving




yet courts haven't changed..... incentives

winking waving

no photo
Fri 10/01/21 05:33 PM



You mean you can't see the obvious?

When divorce courts were first designed, they took into account that in the event of a divorce - the woman would be royally screwed, beings that she contributed her life to her family. They had no source of income.

Society changed, women changed, yet the court hasn't changed. The protections for women needed back then are now assets in a divorce.
society has changed .. divorce highlighted inequalities and vulnerabilities especially for women , who may not have contributed financially to a marriage but their contribution deserves to be recognised , as does the impact of divorce on children and caring for their future . modern day women are just as likely to own assets and contribute financially waving




yet courts haven't changed..... incentives

winking waving
perhaps in America .. but that doesn’t surprise me laugh laugh laugh

no photo
Fri 10/01/21 07:49 PM
female robots will be 100% fully 24/7 available now and more sooner
Females will no longer be needed
Men can incubate babies as we have the full DNA
women do not have

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