Hi OP,

From another OLD site I've had a couple of 1st meets (daytime on weekend for coffee). One I never heard from & one sent me a message requesting sex. From here met 2 guys...no attraction to either.

According to OLD experts, the 1st meet up should take place fairly quickly after initial contact & should be low key & finite in terms of time spent. Only after hitting it off in person can you know if you want to actually meet this person again for a longer period & a real date.

Hi OP,

From another OLD site I've had a couple of 1st meets (daytime on weekend for coffee). One I never heard from & one sent me a message requesting sex. From here met 2 guys...no attraction to either.

According to OLD experts, the 1st meet up should take place fairly quickly after initial contact & should be low key & finite in terms of time spent. Only after hitting it off in person can you know if you want to actually meet this person again for a longer period & a real date.

Hi, OP...

Seems to me the real issue w/porn vs. reality for men, women, transgender & all the rest is this: porn does not require another human being either physically, mentally, or emotionally. The watcher is being satisfied solely based on the merits of their own individual fantasy that is being reinforced on the screen.

Fine if you have nobody in your life to fulfill those needs. Not find when there is someone there who wants to have a connection w/you in body & mind. By preferring porn the watcher is clearly saying "this is what I want over anything else offered/available". That is a rejection & very few relationships of any kind, romantic, friendship even employer/employee can withstand rejection.

Addiction to anything (drugs/alcohol/porn/sex/food etc) is simply a preference to exclusion for that one specific thing. Sometimes it's chemical & neurological & sometimes it's strictly psychological...all times it prevents a life lived to the fullest.

IMO healthy sexual relationships don't always result in mind blowing sex every time but should never even once leave either party feeling bad/rejected in any way.

I spend Saturday night trying on clothes I bought Friday night for Saturday night dates that I don't have. I'll be ready for one when it finally comes around though. Oh, & I also spend my Sat. nights trying to update my profile on the other dating site so I can get a real date.

Try your church? The stereotype is that most churches are filled w/married couples or old lady widows BUT, since they are members of your faith then "maybe" they might have single women friends who are also members of your faith but attend church somewhere else...also volunteering for church functions will expand your social circle so you may be able to meet someone that you don't normally see at regular Sunday services. If there is really no one you think is attractive to you in your church, then maybe try a different church (same denomination of course). But of course, church is for religion & not for dating LOL...

A higher education (Masters or PHd)usually translates into the profession of the person, so, if I'm working a temp job I'm not really going to message doctors or lawyers, the socioeconomic difference is too large to even consider short term dating. (nor would they be interested in me). I personally don't know of any couples comprised of nuclear physicists paired w/H.S. dropout janitors, so yes it can be very intimidating.

Relocation for love? Isn't that the plot line of the TLC series "90 Day Fiancé"? The travails those people on that show go through seem like too much & most of them are young and in passionate love & still having issues.

For a mature person established in their own country w/family, job & lifestyle set already...seems like "love" wouldn't be enough compensation for the upending of at least 20 years (from college age). Heck you know how most people hate moving to a new apartment or home & that's in their own state...to a completely foreign country just for love...no way.

Failure at basic hygiene is a deal breaker...it's one thing if you know the guy just came from a construction site or plowing the back 40 etc, but to show up on a 1st meet w/B.O.??? (goes for women as well). While everyone's body chemistry is different, body odor & bad breath is something you can do something about. No reason to just let it go...

Never did understand how people flirted at the gym...if you are doing a good workout you are sweating & that's not cute for either gender IMO. After a shower while still pumped up on workout adrenalin is more likely to be better for flirting/meeting etc...

Yes...the World Wildlife Foundation put them on the critical list a few years ago but due to nonstop poaching & use of poisoned baits, they are officially extinct.

There may be a few left in zoos, but they are nonbreeding females. There is a group of scientists who are trying to save the species by implanting artificially fertilized cougar eggs into female tigers but results are not promising...

ROFL!!!

Sorry for the disappointment. It sucks to think you have a meet to look forward to & then have it dematerialize, much less have the person disappear as well...

That's one of the downsides to OLD...all too easy to get caught up in chatting nightly/daily & start to feel like you know someone, when in reality you have no idea who this person is besides a pic/stats & a username/email address. Conventional OLD wisdom says don't be afraid to give out your phone # w/in a couple of days to have a real conversation & get the in person meet done as soon as possible (ex. started messg. on site on a Sunday...should be meeting for coffee/drink by Saturday), as long as you are not dealing w/the red flags for a scammer since you don't want those people to have your #. For women we are naturally slightly wary or reserved & want to have lots of chat to find out things, but that process often opens the door for fools like the one you found.

Every thing like this is a learning curve on OLD...

Gotta say: moms do laundry, cook meals, clean up after the sickness from both ends, clean house & babysit endlessly: nope not interested in having a man treat me like his mom LOL...

On a serious note, respect & manners towards a woman of any age is ALWAYS going to be a plus whether dating, the workplace, school etc. The young guys may not realize it but even if that respect doesn't pay off in terms of "getting some", they are better men for practicing it.

Sugar Mama: does that mean she had diabetes???

From 2 weeks b4 Thanksgiving to Valentines day, there is no chance on meeting anyone because of the holiday minefields during that time period:

Thanksgiving: Do you take this person to yours / or go with them to their family/friends dinner? What if you are not asked to go at all...

Christmas: same dinner dilemma as last month PLUS gifts...

New Years Eve: it seems to matter way more who you are with at the stroke of midnight on that night, not to mention the morning after...

Valentines Day: a holiday made for the express purpose of exchanging sincere emotional words about LOVE, plus more gifts...

Nope, I guess I won't seriously start looking again until Feb. 15th, 2016...

I never heard about it...if they do it in NYC, I'm sure there are no takers, since the last thing I want to do on any day from July to August in Manhattan is touch or be touched by a sweaty stranger LOL!

I learned what traits & behaviors I could not tolerate while living with someone (just dating & having weekend sleepovers or going on vacation is NOT the same thing). I learned that my intolerance was completely acceptable to me & I should never again move in w/someone before an exhaustively detailed discussion of household responsibilities, financial responsibilities and long term sexual needs.

I learned gratitude is not love & contentment is not enough (at least for me it isn't.)

I learned I will never again date someone I find even remotely unattractive.

I learned exactly what I need to be happy the next time around (if there will ever be one)...

"I like kids"...is this one of the Duggar males in disguise LOL! or was it Jared Fogle before his sentencing & divorce...ROFL...

B/C I literally know no single men, nor do any know me. Thus I'm doing OLD to let single men know I'm available.

They are trying to relive their youth? (or the youth they wished they'd had)

A motorcycle seems to say: I have disposable income to spend on a mode of transport that can only be used on sunny days in summer, with room for only one (myself) & I'm a macho alpha male b/c I can handle straddling this large piece of machinery between my legs LOL!

P.S. You never see them posing with a minivan...which would say I'm financially sensible, & can go grocery shopping at the drop of a dime... :-)

I will be checking out the 3 OLD sites I'm on to see if I can actually get a real live date...hasn't happened so far but I keep trying...

Seems to me the OP is using the stereotypical female way to describe men who she just doesn't find physically attractive enough for a relationship. As in "he's a GREAT guy, but there's no chemistry..." a lot of women do this to avoid hurting a males feelings, if the male seems to want to go forward physically & the woman knows he's got no chance. We also do it when we genuinely want to be friends but nothing more.

Sometimes it works & the male accepts the friendship, other times it doesn't & he stops contact. There's nothing wrong with being called a "great guy" or a "great girl", unless you want to be called something more intimate & the other person just doesn't feel it.