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What I would say: "you seem really nice & I had a great time, let's do this again" - guaranteed no 2nd date, call or contact from the guy forever & ever.
It really works... :-( |
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Topic:
Need Escorting To Freedom?
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To the OP: this is harsh but, going only on your profile & what you have said in your post: you may have missed a couple of chances w/women who would have slept with you b/c you deemed them not attractive enough. I refer to the part of your post where you mention porn: if those ladies are what you want, then you will have to move to Tarzana California in the U.S. where most of them work. Real women don't look like that nor act like that.
You have probably got in your circle of friends at least one average looking female that would hook up w/you if you courted her instead of friend zoning her. But you just don't "see" her as a object of sexual desire b/c she is average looking. I do agree it is important to experience the physical act of PIV sex to get it off your bucket list. I don't agree that an escort is the right way to do it. However, if you can control the situation as to who, where & when completely that may alleviate some of the potential dangers of the escort option. Sorry to sound like a bad PUA but: go to a bar just before closing & try to get with one of the ladies that are still there at that time. Should be easier since...oh god I can't believe I'm saying this...since you each become each others only option for the night if they want sex. Yes, it will be awkward in the morning or even a hour later LOL!, but, you will have done the deed & can move on to obsessing about something else. Good luck! |
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so do you have any friends or family.. that just don't get it..? No. We're smart enough to understand this: you don't know them..... and you have never met them..... rather than rationalize. we carry on conversation There was a lady in Iowa that had a pet chimp. She ate with the chimp, bathed with the chimp, carried on conversations with the chimp, loved the chimp, treated the chimp just like her kid. Other people "just didn't get it." Then the chimp ripped the face off of her friend. You never really know people you interact with personally, face to face, on a day to day basis. At best you get to observe their behavior over a length of time and determine what is consistent. No one can control all of their behavior, all of their indirect communication, all of their immediate reactions and how they "truly" feel.....except online. Online is a controlled environment. Anyone can edit themselves. Anyone can build up a personality, and even maintain it for a while offline. If you believe you have any kind of meaningful relationship based solely or primarily in a controlled environment, on online interaction, then you're just deluding yourself that a chimp is your kid. You may get to avoid getting your face ripped off because you can always keep them at a distance behind a screen. That safety net doesn't make it real, change their nature, or remove the risk, though, and it limits the depth of the relationship considerably since you don't get the "real" uncontrolled feedback. Unless of course you are only capable of maintaining shallow relationships and like to call acquaintances "friends" because having a bunch of online acquaintances sounds pathetic. No one, who has not experienced it, can grasp the potential intensity of an online relationship. Just like no one can understand the true love fanboys had for Lara Croft after playing tomb raider. Or the true, intense, passionate, care and love, people have for celebrities. These all lead to realistic relationships based on true knowledge of the other person, and not solely in the minds of the people interacting with a controlled character from a distance...just like online interaction. But I will admit at the time, in the middle of infatuation, without any kind of conflict to the contrary, the guys totally in love with video game Lara Croft, or Cindy Crawford, or Tom Cruise, truly felt "intensity" in their relationship with those people. So she just does not seem to get it. I'm not sure it's her that does not seem to get it. ^^^^ YES YES YES !!! So true. But...in defense of those whose family & friends don't "get" their online relationships/friendships, it helps to look at it like this: some people compartmentalize everything & everyone. There are work friends, college friends & friends from _______ (fill in blank w/whatever social/hobby organization you belong to). These types of people would just not be comfortable introducing their work friends to their college friends or their knitting club friends etc. These people have to be in control of every aspect of the life they are living & that includes who socializes w/who. Maybe the OP sister is like that? |
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Topic:
age matters in love???
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Ok thanks, but what about ladies will they prefer young men than the men of their age or older? ^^^^ No, we will NOT prefer young men if they need: 1. money. 2. a place to stay. 3. teaching in any area from job searching to sex to fashion sense. That's called parenting & the women on here want dating LOL! |
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Topic:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PDA?
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PDA: I personally think it's an age appropriate thing. For example I would never do more than hold hands in public & I cringe whenever I see people my age or older doing the "European facial" on the streets (in NYC you see waaaaay more than you want to walking to the subway past clubs & bars on a late Fri./Sat. night LOL!) I understand when it's 2 teenagers on the subway b/c where else can they get close to each other? For full grown adults, it should be a behind closed doors thing. When you know better, you must do better.
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Topic:
the stray hair..
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LOL! The OP really needs to move to NYC in the Upper East Side, or perhaps Chappaqua in Westchester County. Those women are groomed w/a capital G. He would be the one who would be rejected on the basis of: wrong hair/clothes/car/job/heritage/personal trainer etc., and the rejection would come waaaay before he ever got even close enough to explore their landscaped physiques.
IMO, hygiene is super important for both sexes & no one should be getting intimate w/any one whose body doesn't turn them on enough to prevent them from going through a "check list" while getting naked w/the other person. If you're assessing her like that during foreplay...well, why bother? She's obviously not attractive enough to you to make you want her body to the exclusion of all else going on in the moment. Who wants sex under those circumstances? As Pink sings - Just you & your hand tonight (hope it's well groomed too...) |
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Topic:
" Cougars In The City"
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ROFL!
Give this older woman some credit (although she probably has a 800 FICO score already LOL!) If she looked like Susan Lucci & approached this AA man w/dreads (based on photo), WHILE he was out w/his friends (more than 2 men out together = a "pack" as it's known to women), then she was looking for a ONS/NSA hookup for the night. Just like a real life cougar she approached the herd & tried to cull a prey animal. I don't think she was feeling "let down" at all, that woman just moved on to the next one. Of course 2Fly4Wings38 is giving himself too much credit b/c he assumes he was the "chosen" one...unless it was late in the evening & she was doing just what guys do all the time "it's late & I need to score tonight...hmmm, what's the best option out of what's left over in here tonight". If it was early in the evening, she still had lots of options. Every interaction has 3 sides: yours, theirs, & the bartenders... |
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Topic:
would you settle ?
Edited by
dnewnew
on
Thu 06/18/15 07:15 AM
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If you settle: you're lying to the other person, plain & simple. They are not what you want, what makes your heart race & keeps your mind on them throughout the day until you see them again.
Of course if you tell them the truth: "oh you're a great man/woman, but you don't have _____ & that is what I really want in a partner", then 2 things could happen: 1. They change to accommodate your desires & then slowly begin to resent you for not accepting them as they were which eventually leads to breaking up. 2. They don't change & realize that you don't want them "as is" which eventually leads to breaking up. Doesn't matter if the change was to their benefit (job/health/looks etc.), no one ever wants to know that they are classified as an "at least" as in "at least he/she's ____". That sentence/thought automatically implies that the qualities they already have STILL don't make up for whatever it is they are missing that their partner REALLY wants. Doesn't matter what a person's self esteem is like, when it comes to relationships, we are all looking to impress our partner with something, & knowing they "settled" for us means that we didn't AND the relationship will always be at risk of losing our partner to the person that does have the quality they are looking for. The flip side to all this is when BOTH parties know they are settling in one of those "this is as good as I can get" situations. But it must be mutual to work out. edited for the "your/you're" thing...got to spellcheck better. |
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Topic:
Male vs Female
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What really eats me up is discussion about "alternate standards" for women. BS...you can do the job or you can't. I don't want my sorry *** depending on someone who only had to prove they can do do 65% of what I had to prove I can do, man or woman. Also, women have to request to be assigned to a ground unit. For men that's the automatic default position. I'm sure there are women out there who could kick my *** in hand-to-hand combat, but by and large I'm willing to say against average women I'll prevail about 99.9% of the time. Against average men? Maybe 90%, not because I'm some Johnny Rambo or anything like that, but because I've been in training for just such a scenario for 28 friggin' years, while 90% of men have not. Put me in a cage against MMA fighters and the percentage will drop substantially, I'll likely get my *** handed to me. Wherein lies the crux...I know my limits and that I don't belong in that world. I wouldn't ask them to lower their standards to allow me to participate. As for giving birth being an indicator toughness, after a woman gives birth, within an hour or so they're happily cradling their little bundle of joy in their arms and smiling for the camera. There's a HUGE difference between that and the pain of being shot, tied up and beaten, or hit by an IED, both physically and psychologically. Of the scenarios provided, I've never given birth, so I guess you could say my statement is speculative. Then again, after a woman gives birth, after a year or so she may ask, "Why don't we have another kid!" I can't think of a man saying, "Please kick me in the 'nads again!" Okay: to the OP Ms. Harmony: historically women were not in armies b/c culturally, women were seen as needing protection, not giving aggression. Oddly though, aside from the actual battles/combat - women are most adversely affected by a war, in any era or country. We are the ones who are raped & killed by the invading armies to simply prove a point, that they are winning...perhaps if all females had been included in the training to fight, from the beginning of "armies", wars would have turned out very differently. Also, we are seen as part of the "honor" of nations/cultures, so raping & killing us is naturally part of what an invading army does to hurt their enemies. Men never think about their own mothers when they are doing this in the course of a war?? Islamic State "soldiers" never had mothers or sisters?? Now: to address the Ret. Marine's quotes: I don't know about lowering standards for the armed services, but here in NYC there is still a very large & vocal group trying to eliminate women from the FDNY altogether, though the test is the same for both genders. So let me say this: I would much rather have a 5'5" 130 lb. 30 y.o. woman who works out every day & is healthy rescue me; over the 6'0 300 lb. 50 y.o. who is in too much debt(2nd marriage/2nd mortgage 2 sets of kids one in college & the other in grade school) to take the early retirement the FDNY offers so stays on the job but hasn't seen the inside of a gym in 20 years & has all the signs of cardio vascular disease, try to get up even a 3rd floor walk up in full gear & hose during a smoky fire. If the woman can do the job just as good then LET HER! As to strength...ever pass a kidney stone? That's tiny compared to passing even premature babies via vaginal birth. Also...in half the world, women give birth without any official medical care or sanitation. Can any man provide food/blood/oxygen/climate control - essentially an entire ecosystem for another undeveloped human being INSIDE their own body - FROM their own body's resources for 9 months? I do believe the only time anything remotely similar to this happens to men, it's called a parasite (tapeworm?), & they go running to the dr. to get it removed ASAP. Try cramping & bleeding at least 5 days a week every month from the time you are 12 to the time you are in your early 50's, from any body part you choose, don't die from the blood lost AND continue your everyday living activities. 12 y.o. girls do it around the world every single day even without the choice of body part for the bleeding...can you? We are so much stronger than the other half of our species gives us credit for LOL! |
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Topic:
Why are You Still Single?
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I'm single because:
1. Currently unemployed - therefore not getting out & about to actually see & be seen by men I might be attracted to. Not really checking in on OLD, since I spend more time on job boards than cruising profiles. 2. Not attracted to anyone I have seen so far in OLD or IRL - I have a preferred physical type & very few fit it. 3. Apparently not attracting males IRL (on the few occasions I am out & about), even if they are not my type. Apparently my own physical type is not attractive to the opposite sex. 4. Super small social circle comprised of all married/partnered women that can't introduce me to any men (or job opportunities). 5. No interest in NSA sex so no outlet for meeting men thru that. (unless you are a hiring manager?, then maybe I can overcome my distaste but I need to be hired first LOL!) |
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Topic:
Lazy Dates
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When meeting thru OLD, a lazy date is trying to Skype...come on, you can't get dressed & out of your house to have the first meet at Starbucks on a Sat/Sun at 3:00 in the afternoon? That's lazy.
After 2 or 3 actual in person dates, if they devolve into hanging out at home & watching movies/tv...no, just no. Courtship means actually trying to impress each other with appearance/fun shared activities, & the 3rd date or so is way too early to get "comfortable" (not to mention the woman is going to wonder if this is a gambit to get her closer to your bedroom). The 3rd lazy date type I can think of is the falling into a routine too quickly...always a movie/dinner on Saturday? Each person has to try to make things interesting for the other person...why else would you be dating as opposed to going out w/your same sex friends & having dinner & a movie w/them? |
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Real: my 5th grade teacher: ALL the girls in the class liked him. Never liked any boys all through school including high school (& they never liked me).
Celebrity: when I was 11 or 12 the Dracula movie w/Frank Langella came out...I didn't get to see it but the ads in the paper & the commercial on tv made him look sooo good LOL! |
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If they "love each other" then the guy would not have been attracted to the other woman in the first place: he would have sat down w/his wife & said we need to schedule a time that we can have sex on the weekend...(yes, just like any other event in their weekly schedules). If the wife "loved" her husband she would initiate such a conversation herself, if the lack of sex was an issue for her.
Obviously this couple has lost their physical desire for each other...they should not be married any more unless they are BOTH okay with no sex & BOTH okay with finding a sex partner outside of the marriage, which would more likely be opposed by the wife. It seems they are roommates & not husband & wife. Divorce would be a simple solution, then they could both devote their time to their jobs. I do think that when they are both single again, they will be surprised to find that they want to go out on dates & have sex. They just don't want to have sex w/each other anymore. It happens, love turns to companionship w/out sex & that's not a happy marriage, unless both parties are completely okay with the no sex part. |
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What DevilDog said about the age thing...
Do people at 18 think they will NEVER live past 30 or become grandparents & have to explain the stuff on their faces/necks/arms (visible body parts)to inquisitive/rude 5 y.o. grandkids when they are 70 (much less their own kids when they were little)? Also, the more intricate the design the more likely to fade/"move"/alter as the skin ages & slackens. I wonder if there are any studies on the amount of people in the U.S. (excluding convicts) who are grandparents that have tattoos? Also, for both genders: you will always have to explain the tattoos to each new partner so think 10x before putting on the name of anyone who is not a family member. A tattoo should have cultural or memorial meaning since it will be with you forever. Just b/c it looks cool is not a good reason to do it. |
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I'd really like to know more pick-up lines for women to use on men?
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If there's no expectation of dinner, I'm not interested. IDK, if the evening's just about sex, a full stomach is not ideal LOL! I do think that it's easier to talk to someone over a meal though...if you do stall in conversation you can always talk about the food? |
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Edited by
dnewnew
on
Wed 04/22/15 03:27 PM
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Pay attention, there will be a quiz & hate filled comments later:
Activity Partner: You bike around the Central Park reservoir every Thursday & want to find someone to do it with you. You are a member of some organization that gives you passes/tickets to some kind of event monthly & want someone (of the opposite sex)to go with you. Those are ACTIVITIES. There is no expectation of romance/sex/dinner etc. Just two people meeting at the site & doing/seeing the activity or event. Could it lead to dating? Yes, BUT that's not what this "looking for" title is meant for. Intimate Encounter: Sex, plain & simple. Ladies, if you respond to this there will be no dinner & a movie, probably not even the stereotypical meeting at a Starbucks. Men, the same (sounds ideal right LOL). You will text or phone to exchange the necessary info: STD status/tests, taboos (acts, positions, # of people involved), hosting/location. Whether it will be ongoing is discussed AFTER when both parties know if they want to have sex with each other again (just 'cuz it was good for one doesn't mean it was good for both). There is no expectation of romance/activities outside of sex, or even that you're going to get a ride home (if you traveled to them). You are responsible for your own safety, both physically & emotionally. Ladies, you can only feel disappointment when you imagined more, the men don't have this issue, if they say they want sex, they want sex, not dating, friendship, etc. Dating: Always can be confused with Activity Partner - you do the first meet up casual & quick & then decide whether you want to spend more than 30 minutes with this person, doing whatever. Very tricky if one party does not think the other is sexually attractive, but still likes their personality. Therefore they are willing to go to dinner & a movie or whatever but there will be no physical progression of intimacy as the dates continue kissing/being alone together/sex). Ladies & Men - get the discussion out of the way ASAP if you have "feelings" towards the other. Again, you can't be disappointed when both parties are on the same page with what they feel about the other person. Men, let the women know if you are NOT okay with "just friends", believe me, we won't suddenly change our minds & want your body 10 dates in, if we didn't after date #1. Ladies, men get tired & frustrated (& confused easily LOL!), when we act one way & say another. It makes it harder for them to trust their own feelings much less decode another's, so just tell the guy the truth (do it over text if you are afraid he will whine/cry/get angry). Men, DON'T have sex with her if you are not going to continue "dating" her afterwards. Additional info: FWB is NOT dating. It is a confusing no man's land built on quicksand & filled with steel jaw traps for both genders. Hope this helps people out: the more you know... " Reposted here at moderator's instructions, so I don't know why the computer did not space it out as I originally typed it out (full sentences are broken into 2 lines etc...) |
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Topic:
Catfishing
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Catfishing only happens if you let it happen. After a few emails it's time for a phone conversation & that's where things will reveal themselves. Even if the person who contacted you is from another country, there is no excuse for not speaking to a live human. Time zones etc...all can be worked out to schedule a 10 minute phone call.
Email is just that: not a connection & not a relationship. If it was otherwise the human race would start to decline as NOONE would ever meet in person for reproduction LOL! If you are really looking for a emotional connection with someone of the opposite sex for a long term relationship: it will include real sex with their actual body next to your body & that's definitely not possible over he internet. Be smart...words are not what love is: actions are & actions take place in person. Too many people (unfortunately mostly women) are living in what I call the "X-Files" fantasy: "I want to believe"... Your life only comes around once - don't waste it. |
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Topic:
Friendship without sex
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No, the sexual attraction will rear its ugly head sooner or later & for those who say "oh I've been friends w/this guy/girl for X years & we've never gone through that":
The other person is NOT telling you the whole truth about their feelings b/c they know you aren't attracted to them & they would get rejected, so they would rather keep their "attachment" to you in the lesser form if they can't get what they really want. It's just a case of I can't have X so I'll settle for Y. You may be genuinely happy for them if they get into a R/S with someone but you can be sure they are pining away for you whenever you are in one. As for the married folks: there is a reason "couples" mix with other couples - the inference is that neither set of "friends" would interfere with the pair bond of the other set (doesn't always work). Ask any married woman if she is okay with her pretty single friend coming over to her house when she is away & husband is home: NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! She may love this woman like a sister but that's where she draws the line. Human nature can be repressed & hidden, but never eliminated. |
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Topic:
Note to self
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Note to Self:
You just don't listen! |
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