True... a good way for a guy to put it without coming right out and saying it..

This is true. Sometimes expectations are just too high.

You gotta dumb it down a little maybe, Iam.

not saying he should I am just saying that some of us ( myself included) have some really high standards which may be difficult for any man to live up to

if you date someone thinking he has potential but then you have an agenda to fix him up a bit here and there

could build resentment in a man
after awhile he might just walk away

Bingo! This is key. Too often, in my experience, this is a dynamic that's present. 'He'd be perfect if only...' 'Lord, she's hot! If only she'd...'

They are telling you the truth. They probably see something in you that makes them fear that they will never be able to hold on to you. Ummm.... we get insecure too. But, usually we just bury it deep down inside. You just need to find the right man that is in control of his insecurities :) .

I think this is right in some cases. I've been told "you are out of my league" and felt it was down to their belief that they weren't good enough for me. I don't know why as I don't think I am intimidating and I am very giving. Maybe they were just afraid of hurting me in the future. I did ask why they felt that way but I didn't get an intelligible answer.

I've never gotten that response, but seems like a kiss off to me?

I wouldn't give him a second thought?

And possibly those 'wee little' idiosyncrasies that are just those cutest little oddities that they think make us soooo unique become the most annoying habits that start picking away at their 'drive them nuts' and push them over the edge and before they scream --- 'CAN YOU STOP THAT - IT MAKES ME NUTS'!

They'd rather just ease on out of it and remain friendly; wave and still speak to you if they run into you again! And vice versa for you as well; besides who wants to 'dumb it down' on either side of a relationship...that won't last forever and the "GAME PLAYING" becomes old and irksome after a fashion! And no self-respecting women needs to 'dumb it down' for a fellow {or vice versa}...gotta be what you are!

op the only time I have heard that... is when I was young and I said
to a couple of guys its not u its me ... I thought I was being polite saying it that way when i found I did not like them ... like I thought I would after dating a few times ... on here who knows ...they could be married and don't want you to get to attached to them and not telling you ...really all sorts of ways to interpret that on here...
I think just a way out ...

In my experience you can't really trust break up lines to resemble the truth.

Most people are simply responding to the negative or fearful emotions, and then look for reasons to define and justify them.

And then those are filtered to get either what will hurt the other person the most, or what will facilitate the end as amicably and stress free as possible.

"You deserve better than me" either = "I have really bad self esteem and am insecure in this relationship possibly because communication sucks," or, "I want to butter you up and make it feel like you're a great person and imply that you are so great you are entitled to something from the universe via the term 'deserve,'" or, "I can say this and it's not a rejection of her, really, and it's not accepting any kind of blame, so I can leave this relationship and feel like I'm still a good person."
Possibly all of the above.

What someone says when they break up with you is never what is really what's going on.

Break up lines and stated reasons are no different than the little white lies that make society run smoothly.


Based on the terminology used ("in my heart, a woman, she loves" when did this stop becoming about you, and about all women?)
that is a lot of self ego stroking on how wonderful and magical women are (and thereby you, as representative of women, with false humility) as loving entities above men because women fall in love with "qualities."

Based on this the guys knew exactly what to tell you to stroke your ego so as to get away from you without feeling like they victimized you by rejecting you, and/or to get away from you without being judged for possibly using you for something.


Intimidation is a myth otherwise said by people that don't have above a 6th grade vocabulary so aren't sure what it means.

Every human being constantly goes through a ROI and ROE whenever they get into any kind of relationship. Whether it's the relationship started when a bum asks for a quarter, or the relationship continuation and maintenance after saying "I do."

There is no "intimidation," there is simply energy cost, focus, effort, gain, and stress.

When someone says they are "intimidated" it only means "too much cost, focus, effort, and/or stress compared to any gain; mental, emotional, social, spiritual, physical, whatever."
The word "intimidation" can have a somewhat positive appeal to ones vanity. Powerful things are intimidating. People love to be seen as powerful.

But really

It doesn't matter what he means.
He is communicating a desire to no longer continue the relationship with you.
That is the only thing of importance.
He's made a decision, he isn't thinking of making a decision.
It's done. He's firing you and hoping you won't come back with an ak-47 and seek revenge.

Other than that, there is no difference between a guy saying "you deserve better than me," vs. just disappearing, vs. "I love you but not in love with you," or any other breakup line.

If they didn't say "you deserve better than me," they might have said "you smell bad" or "I'm gay" or "I'm going back to my ex."

There is nothing that you can fix or change based on historical breakups or breakup lines that will guarantee any future relationship won't ultimately end up the same way.

He's not into you.

It is a kiss off. They don't want to hurt your feelings. I mean who is gonna think I love you but you need a better man than me? Maybe they pursued you because of looks then felt intimidated when they found out you where deeper then they thought.

It could be self doubt, on the guy's part.

It could be many things.


However, its a kiss off,
no matter the reason its said.

Food for thought for a different subject really... yes it is the nature of nature, and one shouldn't try to get past or around it, provided it's balanced. And that's the problem for many as we've been raised in an overly masculine energy society. Meaning many women are overly masculine.
And from what I understand men don't want a relationship with another masculine party, not even when she's dressed up all sexy, looks 'all woman' but displays 'all man'. It may look right, but won't feel right. Machismo is a masculine trait not a feminine one. It may appeal to men at first, but might -and likely will- repel pretty quickly.
And you can work on that, as it is not natural to a woman. Whether you want to is another thing.

Eh.....when I say it then you will know that I am either (A) about to have a face lift and change my name to Juan, (B) have turned bi and therefore I feel you are too demanding of me and I can't share myself equally with my now two lovers, or (C) You we're talking to my evil clone who has it in for me. Any of these reasons are justifiable in a court of law......so yeah......no frivolous lawsuits thank you.

Sometimes, the claim "you deserve better than me" is subtle sarcasm which means "I thought you were hot by the way that you look, but that was before I got to know you."

It simply means he thinks you're super and he'd like to bonk you or keep bonking you, except that he's already married. Sheesh, whaddaya need, a road map?

Oh hello, everyone. Is this thread still running?

Of course you deserve better, and I happen to be available!!!

That being said, that is one of the oldest lines in the book. Basically "it's not you, it's me." So I'm voting on a pure kiss off line that is designed to make you feel as if you were too good for him.

Kick me while I'm down. No, don't hold back. Tell me what you really think.